BROKEN HEART SYNDROME
REPORT ONE: AMBIVALENCE
“So,” Adam says, walking inside the room with a couple of Coke cans in his hands and countless different types of junk food between his arms, “Mom said you can stay as long as you want, maybe even stay the night if it pleases you, but I’m telling you, if you’re really planning on planting roots in here, you better start paying your own share of bills, you hear me?”
“Fuck you,” Leo answers, trying to kick him in his knees when he walks past him and the chair he’s sitting on, but clumsily missing the target, “Gimme one of those,” he whines, pointing at a chocolate bar.
“I should have you pay for this too,” Adam chuckles, throwing the snack at him and then opening one of the cans to sip at it, “You know, not everybody here is the son of the most important Broadway actor of the last ten years, with a hundred dollars per week allowance. Some of us are poor. I hate to break it down for you.”
“I said fuck you,” Leo snorts, unpacking the snack and taking an angry bite of it, gnawing violently, as if he’s trying to take his anger out on the innocent chocolate bar, “They used to give me more before Tana was born.”
“Yeah, let’s complain about that, Leo, that’s exactly what I’m in the mood to hear about when my mom’s doing double shifts to pay the rent,” Adam shakes his head, rolling his eyes and casting a resigned glance to the ceiling. He’s not really angry at Leonard, he knows him too well, and has been knowing him for much too long, not to know he doesn’t see anything else in the world that doesn’t concern himself. He doesn’t do it on purpose, he’s not even mean. He’s just self-centered. And kind of dumb, actually.
“I’m sorry…” Leo sighs, finishing his snack in a couple of bites and then asking for some coke. Adam gives him his can, and opens the other one, “It’s just that… that man
’s home now. It’s making me even angrier than usual.”
“And, considering you live your life in a constant state of deep, wild and unreasonable anger even when he’s not around, that’s saying something,” Adam chuckles, mocking him.
Leo turns to glare at him, but he ends up losing all his drive halfway through, so when he’s actually looking at Adam he’s doing it with an annoyed but too-tired-to-be-really-threatening look, which is fine. Adam knows him enough to know he’s about to surrender. “You don’t need to make me feel stupid about it, y’know?” he says.
Adam nods. “I know, but it’s funnier that way,” he answers, and when Leo starts whining, he chuckles. “Come on,” he says, “You can’t expect me to take it seriously, I mean, you never talk about him, I don’t know what he did to make you hate him like that, how can you expect me to sympathize?”
“Maybe ‘cause you’re my best friend?” Leo asks back, arching an eyebrow.
“I am,” Adam nods, “But that doesn’t mean I can hate a man just because he exists or something. Come on, all I know is that he was your father’s boyfriend when they were in high school, and that coach Karofsky has always been jealous of him.”
“And that he almost ruined my parents’ wedding, a wedding I had worked my ass off to make possible!, nine years ago!”
“That’s not exactly accurate,” Adam laughs, opening a pack of onion-flavored chips to start eating them, “What really
happened is that he was a guest
at your parents’ wedding and that you misunderstood what was the purpose of him being there for your father, and you ran away in tears, making the hugest drama queen scene you’ve ever done, getting yourself lost in the woods and putting yourself and
the wedding in danger, until your fathers just sat down and figured everything out, making it alright again.”
Leo swallows down all his coke and then throws the empty can at Adam, missing him spectacularly. “Fuck it,” he whines.
“You really are hopeless, aren’t you?” Adam chuckles, standing up to retrieve the empty can from the floor before the couple of drops of coke still left inside it could stain the carpet. “I don’t know what this Blaine guy did to you, beside looking like you in quite a disturbing way—”
“He doesn’t look like me!”
“—but you really should let it go, Leo,” Adam sighs, throwing the can in the trash.
“Listen, I’m not making this up or anything,” Leo snorts, sitting better on the chair so he can look at Adam straight in his eyes, “I’m not exaggerating! He’s, like, the worse human being ever conceived, I refuse to acknowledge he has a mother because nothing that evil could ever come out of a living woman, it would kill her. Maybe that’s why his is dead, after all.”
“Now you’re being mean.”
“No, now I’m being the one who doesn’t give a fuck about Blaine Anderson, okay?” he insists, getting all fired up, “I hate him. Now, you’re free to believe that I do it for stupid, trivial reasons, or whatever, but I know him better than you, I’ve been knowing him my whole life, and that man is scum. He’s inconsistent, always showing himself off inappropriately, he doesn’t know what the word respect
means, he’s a whore and he’s not even ashamed of that, and yet everybody looks at him like he was some sort of Greek God, just because he’s good-looking and has abs. I can’t stand him, he’s exactly the kind of person I don’t want around, and yet I’m forced
to have him around because my father, just like everybody else, falls for his Prince Charming shit every single time
. So, is this enough, Adam? Is this enough for you to understand why I’m so fucking angry whenever he’s around?”
Adam blinks a couple of times, looking at him like he’s never seen him before. “Leo?” he calls out, standing up from the edge of his bed and walking towards him to put a hand on his shoulder, “I think you should talk about this with somebody.”
“I just talked about this with you,” Leo answers, frowning.
“No, I mean somebody who can understand what’s going on in your head, because dude, what you just said sounds so totally unhealthy and kind of messed up, if you want my opinion.”
“Oh, please…” Leo says, letting out a frustrated moan and standing up too, walking away from Adam, “I don’t need a shrink because I fucking hate Blaine Anderson.”
“You sure?” Adam insists, tilting his head a bit as he keeps following him around, “’Cause, dude, everything you said… I mean, what do you even care about it? So he fucks around, alright. What do you care?”
“It’s not just that! It’s everything else too! Did you even listen?”
“Yeah, man, I did! I heard you fine and clear, it just seems to me that you’re, like, you know…” he tries to find the right words to say, because he knows Leo’s in a very bad place now, he feels like he’s been cornered and Adam’s almost sure that if he tried to reach out for him carelessly, Leo would bite his hand off. “…a little overinvested, maybe?” he tries, looking cautiously at Leo.
Who drops his arms down his sides and parts his lips in shock. His eyes scream “betrayal!”, and Adam instantly knows maybe he didn’t choose the words correctly enough.
“Yeah, sure. It’s me. I’m the problem,” Leo mutters, walking past Adam as if he didn’t even see him, to retrieve the jacket he abandoned on the back of the chair when he walked in, three hours ago, when he took it off. “Doesn’t matter anyway, he’s still going to be there. Dad wouldn’t throw him out even if I ran away from home.”
“Leo… come on,” Adam sighs, following him as he tries to stop him, “Aren’t you taking it a little too bad? And don’t get mad at me!”
“I’m not mad at you, okay?” Leo turns around to look at Adam, as if he could trick him into believe that if he’s able to look at him straight in his eyes, he’s telling the truth. Adam, however, knows it’s not that simple. “I just need to go. If I move now, I’m gonna be home before midnight.”
“Wait— what?” Adam opens his eyes wide, almost throwing himself between Leo and the door, “Leo, you live in the other side of the city! Come on, at least wait for my mom to be back, she’ll drive you home!”
“No, I’m fine,” Leo shakes his head, forcing a smile that doesn’t look even half as sincere as he wanted it to, “I need to walk. It’ll help me cool down. I need it, if I don’t wanna punch him in the face the very moment I see him.”
Adam sighs, moving away from the door and opening it. Leo smiles at him and walks to the front door, whispering a “thank you”.
“You sure you don’t wanna stay for the night?” Adam asks, “I was joking, you know, about making you pay for it.”
Leo lets out an amused half-chuckle that actually sounds half-honest too. “I know, Adam, I know,” he says, “I’m fine, don’t worry. Besides, even if I slept here, he would still be there in the morning. And I can’t let that man kick me out of my own house. Don’t worry, I’m gonna be okay.”
“Sure you are,” Adam sighs once more, lifting a hand to ruffle Leo’s already wild enough curls, “Some day, my hand’s gonna get stuck in it,” he says with a light chuckle.
Leo echoes it with a chuckle of his own, looking at him with a flash of gratitude in his eyes. “Then you should stop doing it, already,” he says, punching him lightly on his chest, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“No, you’ll call me tonight, so I know you’re alive,” Adam says, with one last sigh.
Leo’s not going to call him tonight, but this he still doesn’t know.
When Leo has said he was fine going back home alone, he hasn't realized how really far his home is from Adam's. While he walks down the road with his cellphone on so to make some kind of light the seldom drivers can see and not run him over, he understands thoroughly the difference in condition between their family. Never, in all his life, he has wished more not to live in the suburbs.
Apparently, they are a longer way away if you don't drive a car or take a bus.
He has just passed the cafeteria downtown where they always go when they should be studying at the library and for some reason or another they don't want to – that's the furthest he and Annie can convince Adam to go before his ever present sense of duty kicks in – when a text message arrives. It's Adam of course, asking if he has made it home yet.
“No, I didn't made it home yet, Adam,” Leo snaps and writes him an answer. Geez, can the guy stop worrying for a couple of hours? He has all it takes to be the so called leader of their trio: he is the strongest, the most popular, he is the tall, handsome blonde and he is not even dumb. He could be the hero. Instead, he goes on and plays the mother-hen for him and Annie.
When he gets home, another hour has passed and Adam has written ten other messages, one more anxious than the previous one. Leo has answered the first four, then stopped all together because he may receive more money than Adam from his parents, but his allowance is not endless, and he doesn't want to spend it all in one night to make sure his overprotective best friend knows he's still alive.
The house is dark, of course.
Since Santana is born, his parents go to bed early, hoping she will follow their example and fall asleep sooner, but she never does. She always keeps them awake for the most part of the night. Luckily, Leo is an heavy sleeper, so she can cry all she wants, he never notices. Only the morning after he knows that she has been generally unbearable because Kurt is so tired that he doesn't even bother covering the shadows under his eyes before showing up for breakfast.
But they have a guest in the house tonight. The thought of Blaine being unable to sleep because of his annoying little sister's crying makes him happy. “I hope you wanted to sleep, Anderson, and that she kept screaming and screaming and screaming until your head felt like exploding and you ran away,” he says aloud, as he looks right and left approaching his home.
Santana did cry.
She cried a lot. She cried so much Blaine actually thought she was going to scream her head off or something. He usually loves kids. He's not the kind of man who goes head over heels just to hold them or makes those stupid little noises every time a toddler under six months is anywhere near, but he finds them cute. He was sure that someday he would stop fucking around and even have a kid; possibly with the gorgeous guy who tends to all his needs in his dreams every time he is in bed alone. But Santana did whatever she could do to make him reconsider. The little girl – no more than five months old if he understood correctly – was the cutest thing ever while she was with them at dinner and right after that, while they were talking in the sitting room. But as soon as her fathers said goodbye and brought her to bed, she started howling and she wouldn't stop.
Blaine tried to ignore her for a while, burying his head under his pillow on the couch, but to no use. Even behind a closed door the kid's high pitched wailing was clearly audible. He even wondered how Kurt and Dave could stand that torture every night without swinging her out of the window. After hearing Kurt singing “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” Barbra Streisand style for the third time in a row, he decided it was time for him to do something different instead of tossing and turning on a couch and went to have a shower.
Spending the night at Kurt's house after their lovely's monthly homecoming dinner wasn't a great idea. He likes Kurt and he sort of likes his family – even though part of it hates him – but he likes sleeping as well, and apparently he can't do that in Kurt's house. Luckily, the shower gave the little princess enough time to collapse and when he gets out of the bathroom, a white towel perfectly wrapped around his equally perfect hips, the house is finally silent.
Blaine combs with his fingers his long and curly hair that is still ruffled and dump. It's in moment like these that he regrets not sticking with the tidy look he had in high school. Wild curls look wonderful at any given moment, except when he actually has to comb them. As he tries to make sense of his hair again, he goes back in the sitting room, which is comfortably dark and quiet now, and just watches the moon that he can see through the window.
He is toying with the idea of drying his hair as quickly as possible and enjoy what little is left of the night before Santana wants to eat or something, when the front door opens, however silently, and he suddenly remembers that not all the members of this family were already back home. He thanks his legendary shamelessness for being able to turn around and facing with a smile who's entering, wearing only a towel.
Leo tiptoes into the house and tries to close the door as silently as he can. God forbid that the click of the lock wakes up the demon upstairs. A few days ago he dropped the keys in the hallway, Santana started crying and his father appeared on top of the stairs, looking ready to claw his eyes off. He doesn't want to repeat the experience, so it takes him a little time to realize someone is watching him doing his best not to be noticed.
“Oh, great,” he snorts, as he tries not to show Blaine has startled him. Last thing he needs right now, having to deal with this man he hates so much. “I was hoping you would be gone already. Or dead.”
Blaine doesn't lose his smile. He knows Leonard since he was six years old. Yes, he almost ruined his fathers' wedding, but in the course of his life he had also the privilege – and the mildly devastating rotten luck – of babysitting him multiple times at different ages, much to Leonard's annoyance, and if he doesn't know him pretty well, he at least learned how to bear with him. “Oh, hey,” he says, waving nonchalantly. “I'm sorry I have to invade your privacy like this. It's only for tonight, anyway. Your fathers and me had a late night and Kurt invited me to stay. I hope you're not mad at me.”
“You can bet your ass I am,” Leo replies, being excessively rude just to show he's tough. He usually doesn't speak like this to adults, but he feels the need to when Blaine's around. He leaves the keys at the entrance and takes off his coat that bears every sign of Kurt's sense of fashion, being a three quarters coat that has nothing to do with the jeans and shirt the kid wears underneath.
Blaine looks genuinely surprised. “And why's that so?”
“You ask me why?” Leo says, unbelieving. This man is here, exceeding his dad's hospitality by being naked around the house and he asks why Leo is mad at him. How shameless can he be? “'Cause it's not cool, dude. That's why. And it's inappropriate. My dads are a married couple and they almost broke up because of you once. I'm not eager to go through that experience again, thank you very much.”
Blaine understands teen's anger. Or at least, he acknowledge its existence, even if he finds it stupid to be angry at everything and everyone as teens usually are. So, he is not surprised that Leo is angry, but he honestly thinks that he should be so over the wedding issue already. “I honestly can't understand why you're so stubborn about it,” he says matter-of-factly. “I couldn't get it back then and most of all i can't”
Leo raises an eyebrow. “'Cause I love them and I don't like you? And Geez, dude, put some pants on if you wanna keep talking to me. You're distracting.”
Leo looks away, making himself busy with whatever he keeps in that ragged looking backpack of his. Blaine can swear he has just seen him blush, and that's something that can keep him entertained for hours: embarrassing Leo. He's been doing that for years now.
“Am I?” He says, looking at himself with a raised eyebrow. “All my intimate parts are perfectly covered, kid. I'm not showing off for you in any manner, and if you think I'm doing that, please, remove this thought from your head, because I'm not.”
Leonard blushes even more, and whatever he is looking for in his bag seems suddenly nowhere to be found because he keeps rummaging and rummaging. “You're half naked, you're wet and that towel won't cover you for very much longer,” he declares, confusedly, giving proof of having spent the last few minutes watching him very closely. “In this house, that's for me the signal to go and sleep at one of my friends house 'cause my parents want to get some. Now, maybe you're not showing off, but I don't know if I'm talking to you or your six pack, so please, dress. Or leave, better.”
Blaine is incredibly amused, but it's hard to tell his amused smirk from his usual smug one. He looks at himself once again. “Well, my six pack wouldn't find completely bad to talk with you for a while. You never really had the chance to meet him during all those years. And now this sounds terribly dirty, but I swear I started it as a joke,” he says, blinking.
“What makes you think I would like that?” Leo says, outraged. “Dad's so right about you. There's something creepy in what you say sometimes.”
Blaine knows he's talking about Dave this time. It's pretty easy to get the change in tone. Leonard is always angry as Dave when he speaks his words. Blaine just wishes he would be sweet as Kurt when he speaks like him. He rarely does, though. “I wouldn't call myself creepy, and neither should you. It's not exactly a compliment, you know?” He says. “Didn't your dad teach you that, too?”
“Dad taught me to be honest too,” Leo grins because he can answer to the point for once.
Blaine finds him really cute when he tries to talk as cleverly as himself and fails miserably. Leonard always thinks to be right and to have the right answer to everything. Unfortunately, he almost never does. “Yes, I appreciate honesty, but there's a difference between being honest and being rude, and I think you're being rude. So maybe your dad didn't teach you very well.” Then he smiles, trying to sweeten his last words, maybe. Or maybe not. “Why don't you come here?”
Blaine pats the spot beside him on the couch. For the longest moment ever, Leo looks at him, then at the spot on the couch, then at him again. He doesn't know exactly what makes him go there, eventually. Probably the wish to show Blaine all the disdain he feels right now. He wouldn't see it in the dark, if he wasn't close enough. He goes there slowly, though, always watching him and sits on the other end of the couch. “What?” He barks.
Leonard doesn't exactly sit on the couch, he just falls on it, like his legs couldn't hold him up anymore. Blaine watches him as he curls up in a stubborn ball the farthest he can from him, crossing his arms on his chest and trying to look very mad and deadly serious. He fails again. There is something off with the kid, tonight. Blaine has noticed that since the kid has looked up at him, entering the house. The way his eyes never linger on him too much doesn't seem quite angered as it usually is. He knows Leo's rage very well, and it doesn't look like that. Plus, his knee is shaking so fast he could make a hole in the ground with his foot if he keeps moving it. It looks like someone is feeling really awkward at his naked presence.
If it's a nudity problem, and he is not sure about that.
“Don't worry, I just want to talk,” he says, with his best reassuring tone as he tries not to smile affectionately at the way Leo is looking at everything but him. “So, when did it start?”
“When did it start what?”
Blaine smiles sweetly. He has the feeling this is going to be a very long night. “When did you first notice that you like boys.”
The snicker that comes out of Leo's mouth is so ridiculously nervous and sudden that Leo closes his mouth right after it, feeling ashamed. Then he swallows and tries to chuckle in a more controlled way. “I don't like boys,” he says with half a smile.
Of course he doesn't. Who ever admits it right away the first time? “My gaydar never failed, boy,” he says with a raised eyebrow. “Plus, you're staring at me. Like, really staring.”
Leo pouts instantly and glares at him. “Maybe you should have it overhauled, then 'cause I'm not gay. I'm staring at you because you are naked.”
“Why do you insist on me being naked? I am not. I could show you what the word naked means, if you wanted, but this,” he says, calmly pointing at himself as if he wanted to talk some sense into him with logic “is not how you define naked.”
That's exactly why Leo hates him, because nothing ever phases him and, instead of getting mad, he always answers with tons of explanations nobody wanted to hear in the first place. Leo always ends up arguing on his own because Blaine doesn't even start to get as upset as he is. “Well, you're half naked then. And I'm not used to have half naked guys on my couch, OK?”
“Don't you?” Blaine smiles. Leo is so hilarious right now that he's having a hard time not just laughing in his face. “How do you find the sight, then?”
Leo averts his eyes almost immediately. “Pretty disturbing,” he says, pretending to sound disgusted while the only thing that comes through it's his mounting awkwardness.
Blaine watches him as he picks at non-existent loosened threads on the couch. Leo hasn't lost all his baby fat yet, so his face is still a little rounded and his now blushing cheeks are adorable in their puffiness, but you can already see the beauty he's bond to become in a few years. The kid has gorgeous, delicate features that would make you think he really is Kurt's own blood. His nose is a straight line and his almost almond-shaped eyes are so azure like Blaine has never seen before. But the thing that never fails to catch Blaine's attention are Leo's lips. They are full, just slightly pinker than the rest of him and when he happens to look at them, he always thinks that he really should be looking at something else.
“Now, disturbing is a word that can have a lot of different meanings,” Blaine says, moving a little closer to him. “So, since your father told you to be honest, what kind of disturbing
are we talking about?”
Leo sighs heavily and what comes out of his mouth has a strange resigned tone to it. “Why are you asking me these questions?” He would like to ask Blaine what the hell he wants from him, but then he realizes that he has given nothing but rage and sarcasm to him, which he deserves anyway, so maybe this is just revenge, or something. He just needs to find a way to get away from him.
“I don't know,” Blaine shrugs. “Maybe I just want to understand if you really hate me or if you just don't want me to come too close to you, because you're scared of the consequences. It's a possibility I'm still taking into consideration, regardless of your continuous denials.”
Leo turns on the couch, so to face him. “OK, let's put this straight once and for all. I don't like you.” He tries to state this as much clearly and slowly as he can, so if the man has some hearing problems or something, he will understand anyway. “And even if I did, you're one of my dads' ex boyfriend and the other's archenemy, so...”
So the problem really is me, Blaine thinks amused. The flow of Leo's words goes on for a few minutes, describing how much he doesn't like him at all and how hypothetical scenarios where he likes him would be hilariously and stupidly so not true. It doesn't matter, Blaine has already stopped listening to him long ago, as soon as the problem was crystalline clear to him.
“OK, now it's my turn to put this straight.” He smiles and moves even closer. So close he is now inches away from Leo. So close that when he speaks again without being bothered by the fact that he's embarrassing him to no end, Leo can blush but he can't move away, unless he stands up. And he doesn't. “I think you like me. I don't know if you already found me cute when you were a kid, but now? You're eating me alive with your eyes, kid. Do you know why you keep saying I'm naked? That's because you're undressing me. In your head.”
Leo's eyes grow so big he is almost comical. He gets instantly agitated, but even if he fidgets on the spot, he doesn't go anywhere. “I'm not!” He almost screams. “What... What are you talking about? It's nothing even close to that!”
“Come on, kid, it's so obvious. Don't you even notice? You're freaking out and I haven't even touched you, yet.”
“And you won't do that!” He shrieks, outraged. But then he deflates, like he had put all the strength in denying Blaine the permission to do something he has never really intended to do, and now he had to resign to just sighing and begging him to just leave him alone. “I'm not comfortable with this.”
There's an echo of Kurt in these words. Blaine remembers very clearly how Leo's father used to say he was uncomfortable every time he had to face something he was scared to do, however curious he was to do it. He stated he was not comfortable, and the case was closed. Not that Blaine would have forced him to do anything he didn't want to, but Kurt continuously closing to him was one of the reason why he and Blaine broke up in the end.
Leo is exactly like his father. He is scared, therefore he's trying to avoid speaking of what scares him, but Blaine is not gonna let him because he doesn't want to repeat the same mistakes he made with Leo's father. “So you are asking me not to do it, not because you don't want me to, but because you're scared about it?” He inquires.
That's when something changes in Leo's eyes, as if the question had melted something inside him. Blaine knows he has hit a soft spot by the way Leo finally gives up and sighs, looking confused. “I'm asking you not to do it because I'm not exactly sure of my things.”
“What things are we talking about here? And why aren't you sure of them?” Blaine asks gently, his voice almost soothing as he comes even closer to him. They are practically touching now. “Maybe I could help.”
Leo doesn't think Blaine can help anybody, let alone him. But these feelings he's been having lately about other people torture him and mess up his head to the point that he is more than willing to talk about them with the first person who bothered to notice that something was off about him. Too bad said person is one he despises so much. But he showed some interest at least, didn't he?
“Sometimes it happens that... I can tell a male body is gorgeous,” he eventually confesses, looking down, his face as red as it can be. Now that he has said that, he doesn't feel any better about it, but at least he feels lighter. As if he has just passed his problem to somebody else by saying it aloud. It doesn't work like that, of course he knows that, but it feels good. So maybe that's why he doesn't run away. “And I'm not sure why this happens.”
Blaine smiles at him reassuringly. “That doesn't mean anything, you know? We're human beings, and it's our nature to be particularly fascinated by beauty. If you just think a male body is beautiful, that doesn't make you gay, or even bisexual. It just makes you a normal human being. On the other hand,” he raises a hand and lets a finger slide on his chest down to his stomach “if a male body has other effects on you other than making you notice how beautiful it is, than maybe there's something else.”
Leo follows his finger with his eyes and he is a little startled when Blaine gently pushes his stomach with it.
He knows what he means by that. He knows really well the tangled feeling that makes his stomach hurt sometimes. “It might have done that once or twice,” he says vaguely, turning purple.
Blaine knows how much it costs Leo to say it aloud, especially to him. He can read how troubled he is on the tense lines on his face. “And does it happen in a specific moment or with a specific person?”
“No, it just happens randomly,” he says.
And that's a lie. Sometimes, when his eyes fall on his male friends during P.E., he feels weird, and even if this upsets him, he can't really turn away from the curve of their back or the way their flat stomach dives underneath the waistband of their pants. Exactly as it happens when he's looking at girls and he's intrigued by what lies beneath their clothes. That's why he is so confused. He doesn't know which one of the feelings is real.
But all this came after.
The truth is everything started with Blaine, and Leo is very well aware of that. He may not know what drooling over both guys and girls means right know, but he knows what happens in his head every time this stupid man is around, how his stomach hurts at the sight of him. How it's not really his stomach that demands attention. And how his mind answers with rage to that upsetting and embarrassing feeling between his legs.
So now he doesn't know anything for sure. If he likes boys, girls, both. Or what in the world this man has done to his head lately. He thought that hating him would stop the confusion, but it's not working very well, it seems.
But he can't tell him any of this, though. That's why he needs to lie, because he really doesn't want to face the consequences of confessing to Blaine stupid fucking Anderson that he has felt something for him in his belly more than once.
Blaine is currently holding his breath because Leo is so beautiful in his confusion. Whatever wall there was between them, it has crumbled down, leaving him defenseless. Even though this sounds bad even in his head – and he knows it's gonna sound even worse once he will speak again – he just can't look away from the kid.
“Then you should probably try,” Blaine says. “Just to see how your body reacts.”
Leo shivers. “You are not suggesting with you, are you?”
Blaine chuckles, but he makes sure not to make it come across like mocking him. “Well, as a matter of fact, I am,” he says. “I mean, it would be alright. I promise I would never do something you don't want me to do. It would be just a test. Plus, you could even finally stop hating me afterward. So I'd really like to take the chance.”
This is not right for so many reasons, Leo is pretty sure about it. But what really worries him now are other kind of possible consequences. “What if I don't like it and hate you even more?” It shouldn't be a problem hating him more than he hates him now. But since Leo is not so sure that hate means really hate in his case, he doesn't want to risk to sort of-hating him even more. He doesn't know what could happen then.
Blaine doesn't look as worried as much as Leo is. Actually, he shrugs like this is not a big deal. “They're two different things, you know. You could still hate me but like the kiss, for example. And that would mean the experiment wasn't completely useless, because at least we would know if you like boys too, or if you don't.”
Leo makes a face. “Why exactly if I like kissing you, I like boys?”
Blaine blinks, pretending to be very puzzled and dying a bit of laughter inside. “Because I happen to be a boy, maybe?” Then he grins in that way that always manages to give Leo shivers he can't quite define as good or bad. They're just weird. “Obviously, there's another possibility, that is you liking to kiss me because you just like me. But we're not even taking this in any consideration, are we?”
Leo instantly shakes his head, looking outraged and purple. “No way. Not even the slightest chance!”
“I thought so,” Blaine nods, as he sits more comfortably, resting his back against the couch back. “Well, then, there's nothing more to discuss, am I right? Come here.”
Leo looks at him very suspiciously, but he goes there anyway. “For what?”
Blaine doesn't waste much time to explain what's gonna happen. He strongly believes that there's only so much you can explain with words. “For this,” he says, grabbing Leo by his nape and pulling him closer for a hungry and incredibly wet kiss. For a very long time, this is the only thing he says.
Leo feels Blaine's hair dripping water on his t-shirt as he's pulled closer, and the next feeling is the softness of Blaine's moistened lips. For a moment, he'd like to stop him because this is happening too quickly, but he doesn't. Instead, he kisses him back the moment after, with a soft moaning noise.
Blaine lets his fingers run through Leo's hair, caressing his scalp and pulling him slightly closer, so that their bodies touch, even though not too much because he doesn't want to frighten the kid away. Leo is so lost in it already that he just leans in. Blaine lets that same hand slide down his neck then, and starts caressing him slowly as he deepens the kiss.
Leo opens his mouth, allowing Blaine's tongue to explore it as much as it wants. And it actually feels so good that he stops trying to understand what is really happening with and around them. He rests one hand to the couch to balance himself as he gets a little closer by himself.
Encouraged by the way Leo's reacting, Blaine pulls him to his chest, deepening the kiss even more. But now that there's nothing but Leo's clothes separating them and Leo can feel Blaine's body against his own, something clicks in his head and he withdraws, suddenly.
“Wait... I...” he stutters, lips red as cherries and the most confused expression Blaine has ever seen on him. “That's enough.”
Blaine immediately stops pulling him by his nape, but he gives him one last kiss anyway. “So, how did it feel?” He asks, still so close to him that he breathes on his puffy lips.
Leo takes a moment before answering as he unconsciously wets his lips with the tip of his tongue. “Weird... that it's so good.”
Blaine smiles a little, his hand still lazily caressing Leo’s neck. “You want to do it again?” he asks, and it’s not like he’s expecting Leo to say yes, considering the kid was the first to pull away, after all, but somehow that’s exactly what he gets: Leo barely lets him finish his question, and the second after he’s literally all over him, pressing his little body against Blaine’s, and that’s an invitation Blaine is not really able to refuse.
He wraps his arms around Leo’s shoulders, keeping him close as the kiss grows a bit more forceful, a bit hungrier, a bit messier. Leo whines when Blaine’s teeth playfully close around his already swollen bottom lip, but he doesn’t pull away, and it’s up to Blaine, this time, to put a stop on things, before they get too wild, too fast.
“You sure learn fast,” he comments, an even smile curling his lips, still so very close to Leo’s, “You’re adorable,” he adds, gently stroking one of Leo’s cheeks with his index finger, and then biting at the kid’s bottom lip again, before he starts trailing its outline with the tip of his tongue, making the boy shiver with pleasure. “You know, I could make it better, if you wanted.”
Leo slowly opens his eyes, struggling to focus on him. It’s so obvious – written all over his face – that, if it was for him, he would have kept going on kissing him for the rest of his life. It kind of feels like, whatever it was that kept Leo so frustrated and angry, it’s slowly fading away, leaving him freer to do things he would have never thought he could do before. “You… You can?” he says, his voice cracking in surprised anticipation, like he wasn’t even struck by the possibility of a kiss feeling even better than how it had been up to that moment.
Blaine smiles sweetly, nodding slowly. “Yes, I can,” he says, every word a kiss on Leo’s lips, so light that the boy keeps chasing those kisses and never manages to catch them, “You just have to let me know when I have to stop because you’re not feeling comfortable anymore,” he warns him, kissing him once more and smiling when Leo lets out a frustrated moan because, once again, he didn’t manage to kiss him properly, “Promise you’ll stop me if this ever becomes unpleasant.”
“Stop running away…” Leo whines, firmly holding Blaine’s head between his hands and keeping it still to win another real kiss, taking his time to savor it before he pulls away, looking kind of lost, now. “By the way you’re saying it… I mean, am I supposed to feel uncomfortable, at some point?”
Blaine kisses him again, and then stays as close to him as he can, lips brushing against Leo’s with every word he says. “I tend to be honest,” he says, “And I can’t lie: you could, depending on how far you want to go. But,” he promises with a light smile, “I’ll do my best to make you feel good.”
Leo somehow manages to find his lost smartass self back again, and smirks against Blaine’s lips. “You forget I never trusted you, I’m not trusting you now and I certainly won’t do it from now on. But I’m curious to see how far your lies go.”
Blaine grins, his hands running down Leo’s body and closing around his hips. “Sounds like a challenge,” he says, helping Leo to lay on his back on the couch while holding the towel at his place, so it doesn’t slip away while he settles on him. Then, he starts kissing Leo again, hands running up and down his body, through his clothes, and the kid, who wasn’t expecting another kiss, moans slightly at the feeling of Blaine’s lips. He fidgets uncomfortably under the man’s body, though. He’s not used to the new position, and right now, with the torturing pressure of Blaine’s body all over his, he definitely thinks he could never
get used to it.
It’s so embarrassing, for fuck’s sake. He’s so hard. They both are, and he can’t help to ask himself if he’s prepared for where this thing’s going.
He’s not sure he is, but after all he’s not sure he could ever be, even in twenty years. He figures he just has to take the chance.
“Listen…” he says, when Blaine’s lips let him free to talk, “Who decides who gets to top or bottom, exactly…?”
Blaine can’t help a laugh from slipping out of his parted lips. He’s trying not to mock the kid because he doesn’t want to have him run away with an angry mood – who knows what he could do in retaliation? After all, he put a dead snake in his bag not more than three years ago just to spite him during a family holiday Blaine had been part of – but Leo’s making it very hard to be serious, right now.
“Now, now,” he says, shaking his head, “Aren’t you running a little too fast? I never talked about getting to the real thing. Yet,” he adds with a dirty smile that sends wild shivers down Leo’s spine.
Leo frowns, blushing furiously, and Blaine stops the hell from breaking loose by kissing him deeply again. One thing he’s sure of: Leo likes kisses a lot. He instantly melts under his fingers when Blaine starts to kiss him, and so, despite having clearly offended him, with just that single kiss Blaine gets the free pass to let his hands run down Leo’s sides and then dive under his t-shirt, fingertips gently brushing his skin. “You’re hot,” he whispers on Leo’s lips, and he can almost feel Leo blushing again.
“…am I?” he asks in a low, soft, kind of surprised voice. “I mean,” he adds then, clearing his throat and looking away after he realizes how his voice sounded, “Are you even supposed to say that to another guy? I mean, even if you like him, shouldn’t you say something more…” he shrugs, “I don’t know, manly?”
Blaine laughs again, harder, trying to restrain himself but not really making it at all. “I just meant your skin is hot,” he clarifies, shaking his head. Leo blushes more violently and tilts his head, looking someplace else, to some random point behind Blaine’s shoulder. “As for how you look,” Blaine says, his smile growing a little sweeter as he lets his eyes wander on Leo’s childish and stubbornly angry expression, “I think you go far beyond every dream of a man my age.” He pulls up Leo’s shirt to take a look at him. Leo’s tummy is still a little rounded, and seems so very soft, and Blaine wants to take a bite of it so much that he feels dirty just thinking about it. “You are flawless,” he says in a whisper as he gently bends over Leo, kissing his navel and playing with his tongue in and out of it.
Leo lets out a liquid moan, arching his back enough to offer his belly to Blaine’s kisses. “That was…” he says in a heavy breath as he throws his head back after Blaine kisses his navel again, “That was so lame.”
Blaine laughs, and he’d like to answer that – asking Leo, for example, why did he blush so much, if the compliment was so lame – but he prefers to keep kissing his skin, soft and smooth, silky like a baby’s, and so his answer ends up to be his laughter alone.
“If you stopped laughing,” Leo says, annoyed, “That would be very helpful. You’re distracting me from your tongue,” he adds in a light smirk.
Blaine looks up at him, raising an eyebrow at his newly found confidence in himself. “How could I possibly laugh with a mouthful of your tummy?” he asks, running his tongue up the kid’s chest, “Would you take your shirt off for me?” he asks then, eyes half-closed as he covers Leo’s chest in casual kisses, “I could do it myself, but I want to watch you as you do it.”
“You perv…” Leo says in a mild protest, but still he crosses his arms over his chest and grabs his t-shirt by its hem to take it off. Once he gets rid of it, he lets it fall on the floor by the couch and then lies there on his back, feeling uncomfortable, embarrassed and horny as hell, basically not even knowing what to do with himself. “Like this?” he asks, just to give himself something to think about. Learning about the right way to get undressed in front of a man twenty years older than him and that he’s definitely supposed to hate sounds like a good way to pass time.
No, it’s not. Like, at all. And Leo wants to die. But then Blaine moistens his lips and looks at him like he could swallow him all at once, and then whispers “Yes. Exactly like this,” as he kisses him down his chest again, and Leo doesn’t want to die anymore, he just wants to feel this
as long as possible, and when Blaine takes one of his nipples between his lips and teeth, and sucks and nibbles at it to make it oversensitive, something inside Leo’s brain just explodes
, and he loses control over his whole body.
He closes his eyes shut, holding his breath in surprise. He didn’t even know that something
, let alone some guy sucking at his nipples, could feel like that
. Like electric shocks of pleasure making him shiver and moan uncontrollably. He doesn’t know much about male-on-male stuff, which – he admits – is a bit absurd considering he’s got two dads, but he really didn’t know that sex could feel like that, with another guy or at all. It’s scary, but surprising. And kind of addictive, he finds out when Blaine starts to stroke both his nipples with his fingertips, and he can’t help but let a shocked “omg” slip out of his lips.
Blaine suddenly raises his head, letting out an amused chuckle as he looks at Leo. "What did you just say?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.
Leo manages to open his eyes, looking at Blaine with a bit of confusion showing on his face. He has no idea why Blaine stopped, and he knows he could kill for way less than this. "What?" he murmurs, fidgeting under Blaine's now unnervingly still fingers, "I said OMG. Don't you use this kind of exclamations in your... whatever place you come from?"
Blaine laughs again, shifting over him to settle into a more comfortable position. Leo can feel the man's hardness against his own thigh, now, making his thoughts even more confused. He feels so dizzy he could swear he's about to faint. This can't be good for him, in any way. "You know," Blaine says, "I had a fair number of sexual encounters, but it doesn't matter what I did to my partners, none of them ever responded to something I did saying 'omg'." He pulls himself up to reach Leo's lips, kissing him again as he resumes playing with the kid's now hard nipples.
"Yeah, well..." Leo mutters, keeping his eyes half opened to look at Blaine's face as he kisses him, "Next time don't bed a teenage kid, if you don't wanna hear acronyms in response to what you do." Blaine laughs again, and Leo frowns, trying to fight the urge to arch his back to offer his own chest to Blaine's ministrations, "Would you stop laughing? You're really annoying."
"It's not my fault, I swear," Blaine keeps chuckling, and Leo keeps hating him, even if he's starting to get used to the sound of his laughter, "You are unbelievable. And I mean it," he says, looking right into Leo's eyes. Leo blushes, because he could get used to the sound of Blaine's voice, or his laughter's, but his eyes, he's never gonna get used to them. Whenever Blaine stares at him, he feels uncomfortable, naked, exposed. His gaze turns him inside out, and it's nothing like pleasant. It's just disturbing and annoying, and the fact that he himself keeps searching for it makes it even more so.
Blaine moves slowly, but firmly, and in a second Leo feels him rubbing against his thigh, and it's way more than just feeling the pressure of his hard-on against it, because in the movement Blaine's thigh rubs against his crotch, and it makes Leo instantly want more.
"Shit..." he moans, fidgeting slightly under Blaine's body when he feels Blaine starting to rub against him following a slow and regular pace. He hangs to the man's shoulders, trying to follow those movements and failing constantly. He'd like to tell Blaine to stop, to not do whatever he's doing right now, because it's too much, and he's still dressed, and he couldn't stand the thought of coming right away like a ridiculous, inexperienced kid, but he can't even manage to open his mouth for something else than moans and whining. And he feels so lost he's almost scared to open his eyes, fearing the world he would see then could be completely different than the one he knows.
"Calm down," Blaine whispers, kissing him slowly, "You don't want this to end up too soon, do you? I promise it'll be better, if you let it last longer."
"Yeah, well..." Leo breathes slowly, trying to think about something else than Blaine's body pushed right up against his. He ends up understanding that those urban legends about thinking of your granny to stop yourself from getting off too soon are just that, urban legends. When you've got somebody like this so close, touching you this way, there's no chance to let any other thought take their place. It's the first time he finds somebody so captivating, and it's scary, especially considering it's Blaine he's thinking about, and he should hate the man with a fire for a numerous variety of reasons he can't manage to recall right now. "It's not my fault, you know, I'm fifteen," he snorts, "It's kind of an issue teenagers have. Maybe you don't remember 'cause it happened to you in the past century."
"Hey," Blaine chuckles, "I'm not that old."
"Yeah, I'll let you know when I cut your arm and count the rings."
"Shut up!" Blaine laughs again, leaning in to kiss him. When the kiss breaks, Leo looks at the man and finds him smiling. That's scary too, because he finds himself to like that smile. "Now, say I wanted to touch you."
"Aren't you already?"
"You're not being serious at all," Blaine giggles, playfully slapping his hip to keep him in line, "I'm talking about under the Walls of Jericho," he clarifies, letting one of his hands travel down Leo's tummy to reach the button of his jeans to make his intentions even clearer.
Leo blushes violently, looking away. "The Walls of Jericho?" he mutters, his cheeks so flushed he's scared he'll start to glow in the dark soon, "Seriously?"
Blaine smiles again, catching the kid's chin between his fingers and making him turn his face enough to have his eyes on him once more. "I need an answer," he says in a low voice, "I need permission."
Leo blushes more, enough to start feeling a headache coming. He looks down at Blaine's fingers, so still around his jeans' button, like waiting for instructions. And he nods, biting at his lower lip.
"Fine," Blaine smiles again, unbuttoning Leo's jeans and pulling them down his thighs enough to expose him, but not enough to let him free to move. Leo fidgets uncomfortably, but it doesn't last long, and he freezes on the spot when he feels Blaine's fingertips trailing the outline of his own hard-on.
Stranger hands down there feel good enough for him to cry, but he can't make a show of himself, not now, not more than he's already doing, so he closes his eyes, breathes in and out and settles under Blaine's body, resting his hands on his shoulders as he tries to focus on the feeling alone, letting the context and what's causing it out of him, like it was just a dream that he could forget comes morning.
Blaine doesn't let him.
"Open your eyes," he says, his voice somehow stern, like he's scolding him, "Look at yourself. You're gorgeous."
Leo doesn't know why he obeys, but he does, guided by Blaine's voice and by how good it feels now that the man has closed his fist around him and is stroking him harder. He holds his breath, looking down at Blaine's hand moving slowly around his erection, and bites at his inner cheek, fidgeting under him. "That is..." he breathes out, "...wow."
"It could feel even better," Blaine whispers against Leo's skin, sliding down the kid's chest and tummy in short, barely wet kisses, "But it could also be kind of embarrassing. So I guess this calls for another question," he smiles, placing a tender kiss right under the boy's navel. "Do you want me to take it in my mouth?"
Leo's whole body starts to shake uncontrollably, unable to resist all the feelings that seem to keep him under siege. The touch of Blaine's hand, the warmth of his breath on his barely sweaty skin, the intensity of his eyes locked with his own, the deep vibration of his voice, those words echoing in the air all around him and inside his brain. "I've... I've never..." he swallows, his hips almost automatically thrusting upwards to meet Blaine's strokes better, "I mean, nobody has ever... to me, y'know..." he lets out a desperate sigh melting into a restless sob, covering his face with both his hands, "Geez, can I be any more pathetic?"
"You're not pathetic at all," Blaine says, his voice even lower, nothing but a whisper, now, but still reverberating through the room, like it was made of thunder. "You are not," he repeats, his lips brushing against the head of Leo's cock, licking it tentatively, "Do you hear me?" he says, and he looks up at Leo, locking eyes with him with no shame at all as he sucks him inside his mouth, still stroking him slowly.
Leo chokes on his own breath, eyes wide open in the darkness of the room. The warmth, the wetness, the sucking, it's all too much, and when he thinks his heart's going to fail him, Blaine stops, and still looking at him whispers a "you taste so good" that pushes a whole new series of buttons inside Leo's body, buttons he didn't even thought he had.
"Shit!" he squeals, pushing his hips up carelessly, eager to dive deeper inside Blaine's mouth, unable to stay still. Blaine lets him, stroking his hips with both his hands and moving his head up and down, following Leo's movements.
He pulls away a few seconds later, licking pre-cum away from his own lips. "Now you can choose again," he says slowly, articulating his words, "I could go on like this and make you come," he suggests, kissing the head of Leo's cock, still wet and almost hurting now that the kid's so hard he can barely stand it, "Or I could show you how grown-ups like to come," he smirks, sucking him into his mouth again.
"God..." Leo whines, throwing his head back on the couch, "Just do something, I'm going crazy."
Blaine chuckles, his lips sliding slowly up and down Leo's length. "I recognize I'm acting a little teasingly," he says, "But that's not something I can decide on my own. I need your permission. Even though, I can't lie, I want you. I really want to feel you all around me," he moves up, kissing Leo on his tummy and then staying there, drawing wet, curly lines on his skin with the tip of his tongue as he can't help letting a dirty grin crawl its way up to his lips, "I would really like to fuck you."
Leo lets out a desperate, breathless moan, hesitating before he answers. There's a part of him that wants this so much he's sure he'll regret it forever if he doesn't find the guts to say yes. Another part, though, is so terrified he could just as well jump up and run away crying. "...is it gonna be devastating like it seems it will?" he asks, whining, "Maybe I'm not drunk enough."
"You don't look drunk at all," Blaine notices with a small chuckle.
"Exactly," Leo answers, covering his face with his forearm.
Blaine smiles tenderly, climbing up his body in little dry kisses as he keeps stroking him gently. "I promise it'll be worth it," he whispers in his ear, just before sucking at the soft, sensitive skin right under his earlobe, "You'll come harder than you ever did."
Leo breathes out, terrified now, because that's a yes. Yes, it's gonna be just as devastating as it looks like. Probably even more. There's something blooming inside himself, Leo can feel it. Some sort of warm wave mounting deep inside of his body, something drawing him ruthlessly towards Blaine. Something bad, something Leo can see casting a long shadow he can't see the end of. He can't decide if it's just lust or something else. He knows he can't escape it now, not because it's been running after him and it almost reached him anyway, but because, on the contrary, he feels like he himself has been running after it for years now, and he can't wait to hold it in his hands, see what is it, if it's scary as it feels it could be, if it will burn his skin like the touch of Blaine's hands is doing right now.
"Is it normal that I want you to do it anyway?" he asks, his eyes closed as he tilts his head to make room for Blaine's lips running up and down his neck, "I mean, even if I know it's gonna hurt, and even if I'm scared... is it normal if I still want you to do me this way?"
"Totally," Blaine answers, laughing a little. Leo hates him now more than ever, because Blaine doesn't know. Blaine doesn't get it
. How hard it is to even speak in his presence, how much strength Leo's needing right now just to keep himself together under the even touch of his fingertips, how frustrating always was for him to just stand right in front of Blaine and fight not to fall, fueling his rage against him with all the flaws Blaine kept throwing at him, exposing them as if he was proud of them. And it was never enough, never enough to move his eyes away from him, not really, because even in the worst days, when he just wanted him gone and as far away from him as it was possible, it was only to stop facing the fact that his body was aching for it. For this
. And Blaine, he just stays there, and it's a game, for him, just something new he's playing with, and he keeps laughing like what's happening is no big deal, and Leo keeps thinking "fine, then, it's not gonna be a big deal for me either", but when Blaine's lips touch his in another kiss that quickly grows deeper and hungrier, it's impossible to keep thinking straight. It's impossible to push away the deep, instinctual knowledge of the truth his body's telling, when all he can hear is his own heartbeat roaring in his ears.
"I missed the taste," Blaine says, almost talking to himself, smiling kind of stupidly as he takes his time to play with Leo's lips, tracing their outlines with the tip of his tongue and indulging in a couple of little bites that instantly make them swollen, cherry red and incredibly sensitive.
"So..." Leo says, letting Blaine kiss him, just opening his lips to let Blaine's tongue in, "What about my first question?"
Blaine laughs again, tightening his grip around Leo's cock and stroking him harder. "That's not something you decide preemptively. You mainly go with the flow, with the inspiration of the moment. Did you know," he says, opening his eyes wide as if he was telling something completely new and uncommon, even if Leo knows he's only using this tone because he wants to mock him, "Did you know you can actually switch roles, if your partner is open-minded enough and doesn't believe homosexuals should be divided in two categories, one of which stands for the male role while the other stands for the female?"
Leo looks away, his lips curling in a pensive expression, and just by looking at that Blaine can tell that right now the kid's thinking about his own parents and the way what Blaine just described simply doesn't apply to them. "Oh, God," he chuckles, "I can read it in your eyes. Please. Just don't," he says, kissing Leo deeply again to switch the subject of his musing. Leo whines between his lips, clearly unhappy with the way he probably feels Blaine's patronizing him, but the man just ignores him and, when he parts from his lips, he's already smiling. "Let's say I'll top, for this time," he suggests, "Just because I'm actually dying to be inside of you," he adds, leaning in to kiss the kid lightly on his lips. "How about it?"
Leo blushes, embarrassed by his words, and glares at him. "You say this time
like there's ever gonna be a second," he snorts, but then he sighs and nods. "Go ahead," he says, "I wouldn't know where to start anyway."
"I was saying it just in case, you know," Blaine laughs, "You seem to enjoy it."
He pulls away, standing on his knees and slowly freeing himself from the towel. The light of the moon, coming inside from the window, makes his lightly sweaty skin almost glow in the darkness of the room. And even though it's dark, and even though Leo's upset because he can't help liking Blaine despite how unpleasant he finds him as a person, he can't help but swallow whatever snarky remark he had conjured from the last rational bit of himself, and stop to stare at him. His eyes travel quickly down the man's body, falling rapidly on his cock, so big and hard to scare him.
"Now I know for sure I won't survive this night," he says in an even, frightened, shaking breath, as he tries to swallow once more and finds out his throat's completely closed.
"Why do you say so?" Blaine smiles softly, bending over the kid and rubbing against him, keeping himself up on his arms, the tense line of which Leo follows with lost eyes, moistening his lips.
"'Cause..." he starts off, quickly losing control over his own body as he feels his own cock answer to Blaine's rubbing, "'Cause clearly you're gonna break something, possibly in half. I don't know. It's in no way possible."
"I am in no way this big, kid," Blaine kisses him slowly, lightly hitting his knees with one of his own to ask him to part his legs. "Would you make some room for me?"
"You seem so, to me," Leo answers, opening his legs anyway.
"I'm going to take this as a compliment," Blaine says, laughing a little, "But you don't have to be scared. It will hurt just for a moment. And it's part of the game," he adds, speaking softly over the sensitive skin right under Leo's ear, "There's a life lesson in it too. Nothing really good can be earned without having to suffer for it a little bit before," he whispers, licking one of his own fingers and pushing the tip of it gently against Leo's opening.
Leo tenses nervously, closing his knees in a sudden reaction to the weird, surprising feeling of that slick finger against a place he never thought could be touched that way.
"Hey," Blaine speaks softly, kissing him on the tip of his nose, "...you probably don't like cuddles, do you?" he stops right after, just while Leo's body had started to tense all towards his to get some more of said cuddles, "Just try to relax," he tries, as Leo falls back down on the couch deciding that, as much of a cuddles-whore he can be, he's never gonna ask
for it. Not to Blaine, anyway. "It'll feel good soon, I promise," Blaine goes on, "I know how to make it feel good."
He pushes half of his finger inside of Leo's body, moving it slowly in circles. Leo makes a face and tries to relax, holding onto Blaine's shoulders. "It's not as bad as I thought," he says, "It just feels... uncomfortable."
"Yes," Blaine chuckles, "That's why people usually don't sit on fingers." Leo glares at him and Blaine laughs again, shaking his head. "Alright, sorry, I won't try and make jokes anymore."
"You better. Your jokes are lame."
"Do you want me to stop?" Blaine asks suddenly, leaning in to kiss him. It's an open, wet kiss that moves along with his finger pushing a little bit deeper, touching some spot inside of him that makes him shiver in something that, even if it's not pleasure already, certainly reminds it greatly.
"Don't you dare, not now that it started to feel good," Leo answers to his question and to the kiss, his hips moving down to meet Blaine's finger, "Keep doing... whatever you're doing. You're..." he breathes out, letting a little moan go with it, "I don't know, it feels different, now."
Blaine kisses him hard again, his hips moving against Leo's thigh with a will of their own. "Then I'm going with another one," he says, "Be strong, kid."
Leo bites at his lips, trying to relax and to distract himself concentrating on how fucking pleasure it feels to have Blaine this close to him, to feel him hard against his body, even to know he's gonna be inside of him in a few minutes.
"Don't bite too hard," Blaine says, kissing the offended lip sweetly, sucking it inside his mouth and biting it gently, as if to show Leo how it's done, "You're too beautiful to ruin yourself like this," he adds, twitching his fingers inside the kid's body, drawing a surprised scream out of his lips.
Leo tries to cover his mouth, hoping his parents didn't hear them. "What did you just do?!" he asks, trying to recover from how breathless that sudden shock of pleasure he felt left him.
Despite how amused he is, Blaine tries not to laugh, so to not upset Leo again. "That's the part in which you admit I was right, and it was worth it," he says.
"Oh, dream, Warbler," Leo answers, frowning, "I didn't say it was good. I just asked what-- shit
," Leo almost screams again, parting his legs and pushing his hips down on Blaine's fingers again when he feels the man twitch them inside his body once more, searching for the same reaction from before.
Blaine celebrates his victory with a self-satisfied grin. "You’re not calling me warbler
during sex, kid," he says, pulling and pushing his fingers in and out of Leo's body.
"Is my name allowed just until sunset or something?" Leo snorts, annoyed with how easily Blaine let that nickname - kid
, he's always been kid
for him, since he was six - slip into what they're doing now. Just what Leo needed, some innocent, everyday word to become triggering for such a thing like sex.
Blaine smiles, kissing his pout away and smiling once more when Leo lets out the umpteenth needy moan, answering to the pressure of his fingers inside him. His smile growing wider, he leans in to whisper in Leo's ear, "Think about how much better it's going to be when I'm doing that with my cock, instead of my fingers."
"Shit," Leo breathes out, moaning shamelessly, "Don't... talk like that. I'm not used to this, it's weird."
"Oh, but what about all the other things I'd like to tell you now?" Blaine keeps going, smirking as he kisses his way down Leo's neck, "Like that I want to fuck you until you beg me to stop. Or that you're so fucking beautiful you almost make me want to come by just looking at you. Or how I like the way your cock twitches and hardens for my fingers inside of you."
"God..." Leo starts moving up and down, following Blaine's fingers and rubbing himself against the man's thigh, clearly losing himself to those words. He's never had somebody talking to him like this and somehow he had always thought he'd be squeaked out by dirty talking. Now, he doesn't understand if he likes it, or if it's just Blaine's voice that's making it work. "You won't stop, will you? How many more fingers do we need?" he asks, eagerness growing quickly in his belly.
"I think we're done with the fingers," Blaine whispers on his lips before kissing him hard, "Now on to the real thing."
Blaine settles himself better between Leo's thighs, while the kid looks down, trying to watch closely what's about to happen, secretly hoping that if he manages to keep his eyes fixed on it, it's not gonna hurt. He feels him pushing tentatively against his opening, and then entering for just a couple of inches.
"God..." Blaine says, trying his best not to move too quickly, despite how tempting the warmth of Leo's body feels, "I'm not stopping for anything in the world, kid."
Leo grimaces, biting at his own lip to try and bear the uncomfortableness. "Maybe... maybe you should've kept going with the fingers..." he breathes out, hiding his face in Blaine's neck, "Gosh, it feels even bigger than it looks."
Blaine laughs breathlessly, moving in for a couple of inches more as he wraps his fingers around Leo's cock to start stroking him. "You know, flattering's not going to get you anywhere," he says, letting out another chuckle when Leo sticks out his tongue at him. "You're unbelievable tight," he adds then, closing his eyes as he thrusts once more, finally managing to push himself entirely into the kid's body, "I am literally in love with you."
"Oh, you love me because I'm tight," Leo answers in an annoyed snort, "That's so sweet. How come you're single, with all this romance pouring out of you?"
"You really are gorgeous," Blaine laughs again, "And funny. I can't believe you
are still single," he adds, resting still inside of Leo's body, to help him getting used to the new, cumbersome presence.
"Maybe I'm not and you're fucking a taken man, what about it?" Leo mocks him, and then he moans again, grimacing at the same time, fidgeting restlessly under Blaine's body to find a more comfortable position, "It's better if you move," he says in a troubled whisper, "I feel... insanely full, if you just stay still."
"And doesn't it make it more exciting?" Blaine asks, a dirty smile curling his lips as he slowly starts to rock back and forth, still stroking Leo's cock to the rhythm of his own thrusts.
"From now on," Leo says, grabbing Blaine by his shoulders and pulling him down, "You do stuff, I tell you if it's exciting. I'm the one with your cock up his ass, I've got privileges," he decides, pulling Blaine in for a kiss.
Blaine chuckles between Leo's lips, pushing a little harder inside of him. "You really are something," he says, "But you've got a point. What about this, then?" he asks, lifting himself up just a little but holding Leo's hips still to change the angle of his thrusts, getting way closer to hit with his cock that same spot he already hit repeatedly with his fingers before.
"Yes!" Leo breathes out, arching backwards in a desperate attempt to follow his body's imperative to suck Blaine in as much as he can, "You did it again..."
"I can do better," Blaine whispers, thrusting more forcefully now that Leo got used to his presence inside his body. He pushes so deep inside him that the tightness and the wet warmth start to feel overwhelming, and for a moment Blaine just forgets what he's doing and where he is, and all he can understand is how deliciously trapped inside Leo's body he feels. "Fuck," he whispers, "You're just... fuck."
"Oh, shit," Leo holds onto Blaine's shoulders, hanging to him, "God, keep doing this," he begs, searching for his lips almost desperately, his hips moving at the pace Blaine's setting with his steady, quick thrusts.
"Keep your voice down, kid," Blaine says, though he's finding hard to follow his own advice and keeps moaning loudly, squeezing Leo's cock inside his fist and stroking him hard while he pushes even deeper, "God, you're just unreal. I didn't even know something like this could be possible, I don't want to come out of you ever again."
Barely opening his eyes to watch Blaine's features and the lines of his body as he moves in the dark, Leo smiles, lost in what they're sharing. "I don't know," he says, his voice so sweet he'd be embarrassed with himself if he only could hear it from the outside, "It's just crazy that I'm doing this with you."
"Does it really sound so crazy?" Blaine says, thrusting harder inside Leo, using the armrest to point his feet against it and push deeper, "Am I not good enough for you?"
And that's when Leo would like to let himself free to speak, because right now he probably could. He could manage to gather all his courage together and just tell him that yes, he's good enough, he's too good, probably, that he can't recall a single moment of his whole life since he actually started to understand what being attracted to somebody means, that he hasn't thought about being taken like this, from him.
But he just can't say that, that'd be too much, that'd be embarrassing and stupid and he's Blaine, of course it's just a game for him, of course he's just another fuck, of course he's gonna disappear in a couple of days again as he always does. There's no reason to say anything. He'll be gone in the blink of an eye and what they're doing right now won't matter anymore, by then.
So he avoids the question, keeping Blaine in as much as he can, letting him barely free to move to put off the moment he'll pull out as long as he can. "I... I don't think I'm gonna last much longer," he says, biting at his lower lip when he feels himself tensing all around Blaine's cock, a warm wave of pleasure mounting in his underbelly.
"Then come," Blaine whispers in his ear, "Come for me," his lips curling in a tender smile, "I want to feel how much you liked it, I want to know you'll want me again, inside of you, just like that."
Blaine's words push some button inside him, something that hasn't got to do with pleasure alone, something deeper, and Leo tenses for the last time, arching beautifully on the couch and coming with a suffocated moan, as Blaine sucks the tender skin of his neck, thrusting inside of him a couple of times more and then coming hard inside him.
That's when Leo first notices. And Blaine does too, opening his eyes when he falls down, resting himself on top of Leo's body.
They didn't even use a condom. And, wrong as it is, the moment Blaine came with no barrier whatsoever between them, something lit inside of them both, some mysterious spark that, instead of fading away when the sex was over, is still tingling even now that the air starts to feel suddenly colder on their bare, sweaty skin, and the silence starts to grow awkward in the perfect calmness of the night.
Blaine lifts his head and they lock eyes. Leo holds his breath, knowing that this is the moment. He doesn't know what this moment will bring, but whatever it is, this is the moment it's decided.
Then Blaine leans in and kisses him softly on his lips, one, two, a hundred times, and Leo plays along, settling comfortably in his warm embrace. He's still moving lazily inside of him, every now and then, and even if Leo's oversensitive and starting to feel a bit of pain again this is the most pleasant feeling he ever felt in his life.
"Are you cuddling me?" he asks, a tired, almost already sleepy smile blossoming on his cherry red and puffy lips.
"Just a bit," Blaine answers, smiling against Leo's lips after another sweet kiss, "I'm finding kind of hard to, you know... let you go, at the moment." Then he opens his eyes, as if he just realized that Leo's a teenager, after all, so there's every chance he just finds cuddles stupid and annoying. "Don't you like it?"
"Mmh, maybe," Leo answers with an enigmatic smile, "But, you know..." he adds, his cheeks turning red with embarrassment, "I'll have to stand up, eventually. I mean, I can't sleep here."
"I know," Blaine nods, "But it's early. You don't have to run right away-- unless you want to, of course."
"It's just..." Leo looks away, nervously scratching his cheek, "My dads are gonna kill me, if they find out."
The thoughts of Kurt and Karofsky still asleep in the first floor bedroom crosses Blaine's mind for the first time in what feels like hours. He knows that, as much as they could be angry at Leo too, if they found out, they'd never hurt him or kick him out or anything like that. On the contrary, nothing would save him
from their righteous and terrifying wrath. "We don't have to tell them, you know?" he sighs, "This could just stay between us."
"As if I ever thought about telling them," Leo blinks a couple of times, looking at Blaine as if he said the most obvious thing ever said by somebody since humanity moved its first steps on the planet.
"And, if it ever comes out, somehow," Blaine goes on, "You're not going to tell them I, like, forced you to do something you didn't want to do, are you? Because that, you see, would be very bad. And if you want to ruin me, there are less cruel ways."
Leo lets out an amused chuckle, arching an eyebrow at him. "Are you by any chance scared to death I could tell everyone you raped me?"
"With kids like you, one never knows," Blaine grins, and then kisses him on the tip of his nose. "Hold your breath, kid," he suggests as he pulls away, his now soft cock finally slipping out of the kid's body.
"Ouch!" Leo blurts out, making a face, "It's even worse when you pull out... wait, what did you mean with that? How many kids like me
did you do, exactly?"
Blaine laughs, rolling on his side and resting his head on the palm of his hand, "What's that, jealousy?"
"It's not jealousy," Leo pouts, crossing his arms over his chest, "I just want to know if you're a serial underager or something."
Blaine laughs again, shaking his head. "I actually am not. I've had a couple of things with kids your age, but then I was their age too when it happened, so I guess that doesn't count. You're my first," his smile softens, as well as his eyes, "As I'm yours."
Leo blushes violently, looking away as he searches for something to say to change the subject immediately. "So... I guess it's safe to say that I'm at least bi."
"See?" Blaine chuckles, nodding, "I told you it would be a useful experience, however it went," he says, leaning in to randomly kiss the kid on his cheek.
"Yeah," Leo nods, giggling, "Grandpa's gonna freak out. You know, he always thought a kid wasn't a good idea for my dads. He loves me, of course, he's just old fashioned. So he was okay with them being gay, but a kid... he had issues. And then it turns out I'm half gay too! He's gonna say it's my dads' fault, for sure," he giggles again, as if the thought of telling his whole family, possibly during Thanksgiving or some other festivity that could be easily ruined by this confession, was the most amusing thing he ever thought about in his life.
"Let's write a note and then print a hundred posters to glue to every single door of this house," Blaine nods, "Hello, family. I accidentally found out I'm bisexual. Thanks you for your cooperation in letting me found an half-naked man on the couch right when I needed it."
"No, you idiot!" Leo laughs, slapping him on his shoulder, "But eventually, I'm gonna tell them. I always end up telling everything, anyway, so... but don't worry," he adds when he notices Blaine's eyes growing bigger and worried, "You're the only exception, I won't tell about you."
"Thanks," Blaine chuckles, and then stops to look at him for a couple of seconds. Leo can see there's a question lingering on his parted lips, and he's curious to hear it, but at the same time he'd happily kiss him right now to not let him even try and ask it. He doesn't, anyway, and eventually Blaine speaks. "Can I be the exception again," he asks, "Sometime soon?"
"...I don't know," Leo answers, looking away. They both know Blaine shouldn't have asked, and at the same time they're both glad he did. "Maybe," he tries and joke about it, "I have to think about it, you're still the man who tried to drag me out of a bush after I saw you make out with my father on his wedding day, you know?"
"I wasn't making out with your father, you stubborn kid!" Blaine laughs, "That was just a goodbye kiss," he says, leaning in to kiss Leo deeply and slowly, so passionately Leo's happy he's still lying down, or else he would have needed something to hang onto not to fall. "...as this will be," Blaine adds, "If you decide you don't want to try this ever again."
Leo slowly bats his eyelashes, trying to focus again and having a hard time doing it. "If this is the kind of kiss you gave him, then I totally hate you."
Blaine smiles against his lips, brushing the tip of his nose against the kid's. "Did anybody ever tell you you're kind of addictive?"
"Here you go, changing subject," Leo chuckles, snuggling closer, "You really are shameless, aren't you?"
"I'd say I'm good with words," Blaine laughs, "That sounds better. But, seriously," he looks at him again, "I'm going to be in New York by tomorrow evening, and after the audition I'm probably just going to go home. So... if you want to see me again, you'll have to be the one that makes the first step."
"The man asked to the fifteen years old kid who wasn't even allowed to get his driver's license," Leo answers, casting him a disapproving glare, "Let's just say that if you see me in Westerville or wherever you warblers live, then it means that I probably run away from home or I decided to be with you... at least to use you, 'cause I will be homeless and penniless and it'll be basically be all your fault, so you'll have to take responsibility."
Blaine laughs again and then sighs, looking at him with that sort of tenderness Leo's quickly growing fond of. "How am I supposed to leave your smart ass here all alone?" he asks, and then shakes his head, as if to clear it from dangerous thoughts, "Now, give me a goodbye kiss like you think a goodbye kiss should be, and then run to bed. Your
Leo bites at his lower lip, looking at Blaine in silence for a long moment. Then he kisses Blaine deeply, slowly, savoring the taste of his lips. And deep inside he knows this whole thing's being too unnecessarily romantic not to hurt someway when it'll be over. But he can't bring himself to mind. Not right now.
Blaine keeps his eyes closed, dwelling on the strong emotion coming from the kiss. He answers with the same intensity, actually surprised by how quickly their level of intimacy escalated in just one night, and parting from Leo only a few moments later, their wet lips producing a soft smacking sound as they unlock. "...that was breathtaking," he admits, resting his forehead against Leo's.
"I..." Leo says, suddenly trying to pull away from Blaine's hug. For a moment, that was just too much to bear. It was unexpected and awkward and Leo just wants to go. "I have to go, now," he stands up, gathering his clothes from the floor and covering himself with them.
Blaine pulls away from him, alarmed by his sudden agitation. "Yes, sure," he nods, trying to look as calm as he possibly can.
"So... that's it, then," Leo says, hugging his clothes to his chest, "Um, goodnight, I guess."
Blaine nods slowly, trying to smile to reassure him. "Goodnight."
Leo nods and turns around, moving a couple of steps in the dark. In the deep silence of the house, his feet make the most unnerving sound tapping against the cold tiles of the floor. He suddenly turns back to face Blaine, finding him still sitting on the couch like he left him, with his eyes on him. "Listen," he starts off, "About what you said while we were... doing it... I mean..."
Blaine clears his throat and then smiles again, this time almost embarrassedly. "We were having sex, kid," he says, "You say a lot of things when you're having sex, but they're just... things. Don't worry, I won't make a big deal out of this."
Leo lowers his eyes and mutters something unintelligible as he turns around again and runs upstairs.
Because that's exactly the problem, he thinks, hiding in his room and throwing away all his clothes as he crawls in his bed, hugging himself under the sheets. It already is a big deal, and he can't help thinking that try and not make one out of it is only going to make it worse.