Fandom: !Fanfiction, Glee
Personaggi: Dave, Kurt, Blaine
Genere: Comedy, Introspection
Avvisi: Slash, Future!Fic, angst
Rating: PG
Prompt: Written for the fifth Notte Bianca @ Maridichallenge, prompt: exaggeration.
Note: I love this timeline. I'd write about it forever. Also, Leo doesn't appear in this story. That's a miracle.

Riassunto: Dave and Blaine find themselves bonding over Kurt's tendency to become a wedding psycho when he decides that he's gonna plan Blaine and Leo's wedding.

Blaine has tried to take care of the wedding, but Kurt wouldn't let him.
And the fact that now he and Dave are both in the kitchen having a beer together shows how bad the situation is. Blaine thought nobody was ever going to see the two of them like this, unless it was before Dave killed him with kitchen knife. But here they are, both frustrated and tired, holding their bottle and staring into nothing, with no real purpose in life any more.

From the other room comes Kurt's voice, complaining non-stop with the next victim of what now looks like a very bad case of OCD. “I don't think I'm gonna last very longer,” Dave says suddenly. He's still staring at the wall without really seeing it.

“Hm?” Blaine lifts very tired eyes on him, and somehow Dave seems to feel them and turns towards him.

“I'm gonna go there and shut him up. Maybe even tie him,” Dave nods, but there's no resolution in his voice. Like he's dreaming of something he knows he will never have time or guts to do. “If I hear him say that something is wrong again, I–“

“The color of the tablecloths for the reception is wrong!” Kurt says, making Dave cringes. “No, you don't understand, sir. I said blue navy and that's indigo. What do you mean 'what's the difference?' Do you work in a fabric store or what? Maybe you want to reconsider your career there.”

Everything has started with Blaine asking Leo to marry him. The sole achievement of making him say yes has taken almost four months and a half. Leo was so against it that, if they had been a normal couple and not the crazy mess they are, they would have broken up. At least after the first twenty-two noes. But Blaine is stubborn and he literally never takes no for an answer, so he has insisted and insisted until Leo has said yes only to shut him up. But then, he has declared that he was not – under any circumstances and after any sappy or sex coated requests – going to lift a finger to make it happen.

That's when Kurt has come in. After the announcement – that he didn't actually take too well, because apparently he was still thinking that Blaine and Leo were going to break up after getting over all kind of tragedies in the past twenty years – he has let a week pass and then just stormed into the house, using the spare key his son has given him for reason still unknown to Blaine. And he was so excited about the whole wedding thing that he didn't even notice that they were making out half naked on the couch.

It has turned out that Kurt had been planning Leo's wedding day since he was three and, aside from the necessity of changing all the wedding dresses' ideas with suits' idea, everything was already very clear in his mind. Unfortunately, the whole universe is apparently working against Kurt's pedantic planning because nothing – not even the slightest thing – is okay with him. And even when it is one day, it's destined not to be any more the next.

He has rented a gorgeous house on the lake, paid for it and visited it with an interior decorator to plan the tapestry. Then he has found out the a tiny little difference in the windows disposition that wasn't on the map he has had him sent. Apparently, this was a major issue with the delicate balance of his reception ensemble, so he has called the renting agency and rented another house. Flowers should have been lilies, than petunias, then dandelions, then red roses, white roses, pink roses, until he has gone back to his first choice because lilies were pure and – Blaine never forgets to quote – at least one thing has to be pure in that church. The florist hates him and he's about to sue him.

Same goes with the decorators, the tailors, the catering crew. Each and everyone of them has been called at least three time a day for the past four weeks, and they are all more prone to kill Kurt than perform any kind of service for him. Blaine has tried to help him out – he would love to take care of his own wedding, after all – but so far he has only received insults and a not so veiled request to get the fuck away. That's how he has ended up in the kitchen, drinking beer with his father-in-law, who's also his worst enemy.

“You really don't get it, do you?” Kurt is screaming. Now, his voice is so loud that they can hear every single word he says, even if the door is closed. “I don't care if that's silk. I don't want it.”

“You know, I could call off the wedding,” Blaine says, realizing that to stop the madman in the other room there's no other way than grab Leo and marry him on a beach in Thailand, just the two of them a priest and two cupcakes as a wedding cake. He bets Leo would like that, as long as he can eat junk food on the flight there, instead of the expensive nouvelle cousine included in the tickets price.
Dave turns around so slowly that he is almost creepy, like one of those porcelain dolls in horror movies. Blaine feels his hate and will to murder creep under his skin and shivers. “Sure,” he says, absolutely calm. “And I could kill you.”

Blaine swallows. He has never feared Dave, not even when he has found him and his fifteen years old son fucking in their bathroom. But he was a sane man, worried for his son back then. Now Dave is a man whose husband is making him crazy, and you don't wanna mess with that. “I was just trying to be helpful,” he says.

“Don't. You never are,” Dave says, going to the fridge. “You put us in this misery, and you will stand the misery with us. Are we clear?” Blaine nods. Besides, he really wants to marry Leo. Is it too much asking for one single normal thing in his life? “Good. Do you want another beer?” Dave asks.

Kurt ha stopped screaming at the fabric shop's owner and started to pester the florist again because apparently they can't do without a couple of roses, anyway. “Yes, please,” Blaine says, thinking that he will need more than that if he has to stand this for another hour. Dave comes back with the beers, sit down and then both go back to stare at the wall again.

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