Personaggi: Leo, Timmy (citati) Blaine, Cody
Genere: Drammatico, Introspettivo
Avvisi: Slash, Future!Fic, Angst, What if
Rating: PG 13
Prompt: Written for the Blood Devils Team @ Cow T (Mission 1: Year) and for the Zodiac!Challenge (Bad Ending)
Note: Who's gonna read this? Me and Liz of course. This is something that didn't really happen and never will. I hate it. I can't even think about it. It's a big no-no, 'cause Leo and Blaine love each other and they can't be with anybody else (unless it's for short periods). No, no, no, I don't wanna hear about it. La la la la la.

Riassunto: It's been a year since the break up and it's time for Leo to sign the custody agreement and sum up.

Leo thinks that deep inside himself, a tiny part of him had hoped for things to turn out differently.
Maybe he hadn't consciously believed they would fix everything, but he hadn't thought they would be apart for good either. Instead, as he looks at the documents on the desk now, everything feels suddenly real and he doesn't know how to cope with that.

The house is quiet. The four of them seem to make no sound at all, when just one year ago two of them where enough to turn the two stories house into hell. One person down and nobody wants to make noise anymore and this place feels empty and preposterously huge.

The twins are sleeping in their room, using each other as stuffed animals to comfort one another. This is the first time in six months that they actually fall asleep in there alone, like they used to do before all this. Somehow they feel it's over too. Leo guesses they stopped fighting like he did.

Timmy is downstairs, watching TV. Leo has noticed he doesn't really watch it, he just wants to hear noise and pretend to look at the screen so he doesn't have to talk with anybody. Leo remembers how it had felt when he was a teen and he had all this rage inside, and he couldn't let it out. Back then, Blaine had helped him through it.

Leo can't even think his name. He knows he should, but it became a trigger for all his sadness and he can't afford to say it aloud or in his mind anymore. It's like pulling a cork. He says it and tears fall down. After a whole year of fighting and lawyers he should be able to deal with the fact that he and Blaine are no longer together and they will never be again, but he can't. Maybe because by the time he came around his rage and sense of betrayal, Blaine had already got over it. Blaine had tried and tried and tried to reach out for him, but Leo had been too hurt to let him. And when he was finally ready to sort things out, Blaine wasn't interested anymore. Leo has lost his chance and he remembers very clearly the moment he has realized that, because his recovered heart has broken again. It's still in pieces.

Sometimes he thinks about what happened and he can't believe it.

Millions of couples break up everyday because one person cheats on the other. There is nothing strange in that, but what happened to them was just so stupid. And Leo kinda knows it now. His therapist keeps saying to him that maybe – just maybe – things went exactly like they were supposed to. He and Blaine have a twenty years long history of break ups and make ups, so it was probably bound to happen. Still, they had fixed much worse things so many times before, that he has no clue how to live a life where this isn't possible anymore.

He pushes the papers aside. He needs more time, just a little bit. The agreement for the kids custody is not due before Monday. He still has the whole week end to pretend Blaine is just out of town for work and not living in another apartment with another man, waiting for a document that states his rights to see his children.

At least, they didn't fight over them. They both agreed that whatever problem they had was theirs only and children shouldn't have been affected by it more than it was necessary. They both agreed on joint custody, but since Blaine travels a lot and he spends a lot of time away from home, Leo is the one who's got physical custody of the twins. Timmy was a different matter. He turned sixteen before the document was written, so he had the chance to choose where he wanted to live, but even though he and his father are on the right path to reconciliation, he still hates Cody and blames his presence for everything. So he chose to stay with his siblings and with Leo.

Leo knew that would have broken Blaine's heart, so he agreed on letting him see the kids and take them for weeks at a time whenever he wants. He will not stop him from being with his own children as long as the two of them can still be civil deciding for them together. And despite what happened between them, he is sure they won't fail on that.

Not wanting to rob the kids of their home, Blaine has left him the house, but Leo will have to take care of the bills alone from next month on. Since they are both wealthy enough to cover the kids' every need, it seemed fair that Blaine would pay just half the maintenance he should, but he and Leo will share all the kids' expenses from school to medical care. This will probably be the sole collaboration with Blaine Leo can hope for, and he clings to it desperately.

While he and the kids remain in the old colonial house, Blaine has bought a huge apartment for him and Cody in the same neighborhood but not in the same street. Leo sees the building every time he brings the kids to the nursery school and he has run into Cody at the supermarket a couple of times. The awkward greetings and random conversation about the price of tomatoes nowadays have given him an idea of what their Christmas and kids' birthdays will be. He hasn't liked the feeling at all, but at least he has realized that he doesn't hate Cody anymore. Of course he'd rather not see him at all and he doesn't have contact with him, unless it's strictly necessary – when he calls Blaine to let him know about something regarding the kids and he is not home, for example – but after realizing that he would probably have Blaine back by now if he hadn't been so stubborn, he doesn't see the point in blaming Cody anymore.

The first mistake was Blaine's, the second one was yours. The sooner you take responsibility for the things you have consciously decided, the quicker you'll heal. That's what his therapist says. And he is trying his hardest. He just hopes that someday, as a reward for him not being too bitchy toward his ex's boyfriend, he will be able to fall asleep without crying his eyes out.

He has no idea how to live without Blaine. Since he was fifteen, Blaine has been at this side. Leo has grown up with him. Now when he wakes up in the morning and realizes that whatever the day brings, he is going to have to deal with it alone, he panics. His therapist says that this should give him the measure of how wrong their relationship was on certain levels, because Blaine was for him more a fatherly figure than he should have been and that Leo has never really learned how to be independent. But he doesn't care. He just feels lost and lonely, he doesn't want to hear any of that. There are times when he just wants Blaine back and knowing that he can't makes him feel so bad that he is afraid his heart is going to stop or something.

He senses that feeling coming back again in this very moment. He stands up and takes a deep breath, trying to look straight at the floor, so his eyes won't see anything that can bring back memories. In that bedroom, almost anything does. When he feels his sadness is under control again, he just leaves the room and doesn't look back. He will sleep in the guest room tonight, hoping the twins won't come to look for him.

He goes to check on the twins. Their room is just across the hall. It used to be Timmy's, but then he asked for a bigger one and Blaine let him move to the one on the back of the house that has a balcony and it's almost as big as the master bedroom. The twins sleep in a bed that's basically a huge nest and it also looks like one. It consists in a rounded mattress set on a wooden structure and decorated with colorful felt leaves. Blaine found it on the internet and went crazy over it. Despite Leo's doubts on having a huge eagle's nest in the center of the room, he wanted it for his little birds. That thing arrived two weeks after and Blaine went head over heels at the idea of assemble it all by himself. The new bed made the twins really happy because it was so big they could roll around in it as much as they wanted without any real danger. Blaine would tell him that it was so huge there would have been room for other two or three kids in it. And Leo would chuckle and tell him not to even think about it.

He didn't know back then that the family was going to shrink instead of expanding.

The twins are sound asleep and their little star-shaped light on the wall casts a soft blue light over the room. They stopped using their pacifier a few months ago but Logan still sucks on his thumb sometimes, especially when he's troubled and he doesn't feel at ease. Leo cringes, seeing him doing that in his sleep right now, as if even his dreams weren't happy. Leo gently strokes his son's hair and daughter's cheek, then he tucks both of them in and leaves their room, leaving the door ajar.

He can still hear the soft noise of the TV coming from downstairs and he hesitates on top of the stairs, wondering if he really wants to face Timmy right now but, when he enters the living room heading for the kitchen, Timmy turns around and smiles sweetly at him. Leo asks him if he has eaten something and when Timmy says no, he heads to the kitchen to fix something up for him. Cooking is becoming more and more Leo's way to distract himself, much as it has always been for Kurt. Another perfect example of the fact that what genetics can't provide, closeness and love can. He really hopes to develop with his three children the same connection he has with his own fathers.

Timmy joins him in the kitchen, as he warms over some chicken leftovers. He wanders about for a while, doing nothing in particular and gathers the courage to say something. “Did you sign it?” He asks, eventually.

Leo tenses and he looks down in the sink. “Not yet,” he manages to say.
He feels it, the wave of hope that irradiates from Timmy's body at his answer and it breaks his heart. He closes his eyes, waiting for the question he know is going to come.

“So you are... reconsidering?”

Leo leaves the knife on the counter and goes to sit with him. He takes Timmy's hands in his and only looks up when he thinks he has found the right words, even though he knows really well they don't really exist and anything he's going to say won't never be right for the kid in front of him. “Timmy, I can't reconsider.”

“Yes, you can!” Timmy says right away. “I know that guy is living with him, but I bet daddy would get back with you. You just have to say it.”

“I don't.” Leo's eyes fill with tears again as he slowly shakes his head. The fact that Timmy doesn't get it makes it more painful because he has to say it loud and clear. “It's not my call anymore, honey. I just get to sign, now.”

That's when it dawns on Timmy what the situation really is. “Then it's really over,” he says, and his voice breaks. The sadness in it is so deep that Leo's heart just cracks. He tries to hold back the tears but it's useless when Timmy starts crying too, feeling as hopeless as he does. Leo just opens his arms and hugs him, hoping it will be enough for both of them and knowing very well it won't.

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