Fandom: !Fanfiction, Glee
Personaggi: Adam, Blaine, Leonard
Genere: Commedia
Avvisi: Slash, Future!Fic
Rating: PG 13
Prompt: Written for the Blood Devils Team @ Cow T (Mission 2: Lube, Safe)
Note: Once again something nobody is gonna read, except for me and Liz. Adam's POV. God bless him.

Riassunto: Adam comes home hoping not to bump into Blaine and Leonard, but instead he has a very weird encounter with a jar of what appears to be chocolate.

When Adam and Leo started living together at the beginning of the year, they set a few rules. The most important of all is that they are bound to leave the house to each other for at least a couple of hours when they bring someone home. If they both bring someone home at the same time, they have to obligingly ignore any possible noise coming from the other's room.

Usually, this works just fine for both of them.

Boys and girls come over and stay for the night and partially the morning after all the time and the two of them always manage to deal with each other's need to get laid. Adam always finds something to do when Leo comes back home glued to the six pack of some random guy or to the boobs of some random girl he met along the way. And Leo is almost never home during week ends, so Adam can bring some hot chick and do it in the living room if he wants to, and be sure nobody will walk in on him before the afternoon of the next day.

But the same rule can't be applied when Blaine is around.

Blaine is not one of Leo's usual one-night stands. Leo doesn't bring him home right before fucking him and throws him out right after. When Blaine comes – in each and every sense this word can be intended – he stays for days. Sometimes it's just a week end, sometimes it's a whole week and some other horrible times it's even three. He lives in the house, and he and Leo can fuck for hours and hours with just one break for a snack before starting again, stronger and louder than before.

Adam bets that man is not human. He is almost forty but he has more stamina than he has.

Leo and Blaine spend all the time locked up together in Leo's room. So, unless Adam can sleep at Annie's, it doesn't matter if he stays out for three hours or the whole day, because when he comes back, whatever the hour, he will always have to hear them fucking for hours anyway.

That's why today, when Blaine showed up at the door with a bunch of stunning red roses for Leo, he wisely decided to go to the library to finish studying for next week's test. Then he had lunch with Annie and when she mercilessly left him to go hang out with her super-rich Arab boyfriend, he was so desperate that he went straight to the gym and worked out for the second time in twenty-four hours.

He has been out for the most part of the day, giving Leo his two hours of empty house plus and extra twelve, so he thinks it's safe for him to come back home, now. He is so wrong.

The house is silent, and that can mean two things. One, they went out for dinner. Sometimes they actually do normal things, like hanging out, going to the movies or have dinner with friends – except that they don't have common friends, so they basically just go to the Prince of Persia in Westerville, which is where some of the people Blaine knows hang out and they spend some time there and that counts as being sociable. Two, they are asleep. That happens a lot. They fuck like animals several, absolutely not normal times and then just collapse. One moment Leo is asking for more, the moment after he's snoring. Adam would say that nobody believes him when he tells this story, but half the campus has slept with Leo and the other half has heard about it, so everybody actually believes him.

Anyway, he hopes they are out because he wants to have the time to eat something quickly and then go to bed, fall asleep and pretend they don't exist. If he's lucky enough, tomorrow morning he will wake up and they will be asleep, so he will be able to leave the house without having to speak with them at all.

He leaves the keys in the tray next to the door. Leo's keys with their panda shaped key-ring are there too, but it doesn't mean anything. Blaine has a copy of the keys, so they can still be out. Adam sighs and takes the panda thing in his hand, carefully screwing back on the head that is loosening. It's just some silly trinket Blaine brought Leo from China years ago, but Leo cherishes it to the point that he completely freaked out two months ago when the panda lost his head and it was nowhere to be found. Annie and him had spent a whole afternoon tracking back Leo's movements to find that damn head, while Leo was cursing and already on the verge of tears like a girl or something.

Eventually, the cute girl from the school library found it on the bench Leo had been setting on that morning and brought it back to him. He was so happy that he was ready to marry her right on the spot, but he settled for a date. They went out twice, then Blaine came back from wherever he was in the world, and the girl was instantly discarded, her good deed in rescuing the precious panda head forgotten. Not that Adam wants for Leo to be with someone just because he is grateful to them but still, that is a better reason to be with someone than because he is having good sex, which is the only freaking reason he is with Blaine in Adam's opinion.

He takes off his jacket and looks around.

Of course, Leo hasn't bothered to tidy up a little. Adam swears Leo can live like an animal sometimes, which is weird since he comes from the squeaky clean house of Kurt Hummel where every mirroring surface shines. Though, if he thinks about it, Leo's room was the only messy one of the house even then. Leo is the equivalent of a human hurricane: wherever he goes, he leaves a trail of things he has picked up somewhere else and forgotten around, because he never puts things back where he has found them. His room looks like the site of a nuclear disaster. According to him, every surface he can put things on can be used as a storage facility. Tables, chairs, his bed, everything is buried under tons of other things and you always have to move them around before you can sit anywhere. And he never put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, but he leaves them on the floor until when he has to put them in the washing machine, and he never puts them back in the drawers once they are clean, leaving them on furniture, ready to be wear again. So, basically his whole room is a giant wardrobe.

The only room really clean and always tidy is the kitchen. He doesn't even start to make a sandwich if the counter is not sparkling and the last plate in the sink has been washed, dried and put back in the cabinet. That's because he is obsessed with dirty on things he has to eat. So Adam is not surprised when he leaves behind a messy living room and enters a sparkling kitchen that looks and smells like if it's brand new. The only thing that is out of place is a chocolate cream jar on the kitchen's counter, which gives him an idea of what to have for dinner.

Leo is the one who can cook in the house. Without him or fast foods, Adam would not survive a week.
So, since he is too tired to go out and get food, tonight chocolate will have to suffice.

He has never seen this brand of chocolate before, but the jar is rounded and it has a cute little pink heart with horns on the lid, so he can see why Leo has bought it. It makes him smile too. These are the times when he wonders if living with a half-gay friend doesn't really make him half-gay too. He is pretty sure he didn't like cute things when he lived with his parents.

The cream is soft with a weird translucent look to it, and it's way more spreadable than any other cream Adam has ever tried. It just melts with the bread as soon as he starts spreading it and he has to coat the bread with it three times to give it some color. The result looks pretty yummy though, so he shrugs and takes a huge bite at it.

The taste is weird like the look of it, but it's not bad. He checks the jar one more time to see if he can find out what is this vaguely salt hint he tastes but there's no list of ingredients, so it must be homemade or something. Maybe Leo tried one of his strange new receipts or he bought it from one of those pro third world countries stands you can see on campus every now and then. Since Leo is too squeamish to do voluntary work in old people's homes like he and Annie do sometimes, buying fair trade items is the only form of charity work he can afford to do.

He is about to take another bite when Leo storms in the kitchen, screaming like a banshee and flailing his arms above his head like a madman, with the result that Adam doesn't understand a single word he is saying. That's why he looks really confused when Leo takes the slice of bread away from him.

“What are you even doing?” Leo screams.

“Whoa,” Adam raises both his hands. “Calm down, man. It's just chocolate!”

“No, it's not just chocolate!” Leo is that kind of hysterical he always gets when something really upsetting happens to him. His voice squeaks suddenly and he can't talk properly. “God! Why do you always do things without thinking?”

Adam has never seen him acting like this for food. They've always shared everything, so he doesn't understand why Leo is so angry at him for stealing some chocolate. “Listen, I don't know what's wrong with you, if you are on your period or what, but I think you're overreacting.”
Leo shakes his head, closing his eyes. “You have no idea what you did, do you?” He asks, closing the jar. He gives it to Blaine who's right behind him. Adam notices him now and he instantly frowns.

“I ate some fucking chocolate,” he replies, grumpily. He crosses his arms on his chest and keeps talking to Leo while glaring at Blaine all the time. “But I get it. That was yours, fine. You know, next time put a label on it so I know you bought for you and that's it.”

Blaine is laughing so hard he can't even stand properly. He bends in half, holding the jar safely in his hand as he rolls left and right against a wall, hiding his face every now and then because, apparently, whatever it's happening is too funny to bear.

“What is he laughing at?” Adam asks angrily, following Leo around the kitchen as he throws the bread away in disgust and put the knife in the dishwasher, holding it as it's infected or something.

“You might as well tell him, kid. He's gonna find out sooner or later,” Blaine says when he manages to stop snickering like the 10 years old boy he is.

“Leo, what the fuck is going on here?” Adam nails him to the counter and stares at him, seriously. Blaine has to do his best not to drool over it. He actually does a little, but he manages to keep himself under control.

Leo sighs. “It wasn't chocolate. Just chocolate flavored.”

“Yes, you've already told me that. So what is it?” Leo hesitates only when he knows he has done something really stupid. And he turns purple when something embarrasses him. Now he's blushing so hard that he could light up the whole house and his mouth is open but no words come out of it, so Adam is really scared. “Leo?”

Leo looks down with a sigh. “It's lube,” he says, torturing his hands.

For one, long moment Adam doesn't understand. That word makes no sense in his head, it's just a random word Leo said. It could have been any other word and it would be the same. “What?”

“Lube, you know?” Leo says again. “I forgot it on the kitchen's counter. Adam, I'm so sorry–“

“Lube as in oil for engines?” He asks hysterically. He is giving Leo a chance to tell him he is misunderstanding everything and he has ingested grease. That would be okay. He would be probably sick, but that's fine.

“Nope,” Leo says slowly. And then whines because he is mortified. “Why didn't you read the label?”

“There was no label!” Adam freaks out. “How could I have known you are so inconsiderate and disrespectful to leave your sex toys around the house? You two are gross!”

Leo flinches and passes a hand over his face. “We didn't do that on purpose.”

“I bet you didn't!”

“I'm sorry, Adam,” he says again.

“I bet you are!”

Blaine doesn't feel guilty at all, in fact he is actually enjoying Adam freaking out. It's his fourth favorite sight, the first three being Leo at different stages of nudity and shamelessness. “Do you at least like it? 'Cause we do. It is very sweet at first, but then it becomes salty, right? Or at least I think it's the lube that is salty. I don't really know, actually. Because I've never eaten it with bread, you know?”

“Blaine!” Leo whines, facepalming.

“I'm out of here!” Adam pushes Leo away but he doesn't have to do the same with Blaine because the man just moves away on his own accord, with a little bow and gesturing him the door. “Fuck you, Anderson.”
Leo runs after him. “Adam, wait!”

“Don't!” Adam turns around to shove a finger in his face. “Just don't, Leo. Ok? Leave me alone because this time I could even hit you.”


“Shut up. Now I'm going to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth until they're brand new again and you are not going to come after me. You will leave me alone. You won't speak to me. You will lock yourself up in your room with that disgusting boyfriend of yours and you will pray that in ten or twenty years I can forgive you. Until that moment, I don't wanna see you.”

That said, Adam enters the bathroom and slams the door behind himself.

Blaine joins Leo in the hall and hugs him from behind. “He will get over it. He loves you more than he hates your disgusting man, so don't worry,” he says, kissing his cheek. “In the meanwhile, since we apparently have a twenty years long wait ahead of us, let's see if there's something left in this jar.”

Blaine moves the rounded jar in the air and Leo can't help but bursts into laughter.
He will make sure to make Adam a cake for when he comes out of the bathroom.
With real chocolate this time.

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