FLASHING LIGHTS

Love

Love is not a problem for Blaine, which is insane considering that everything else except sex is.
Since the beginning, when Leo is still struggling to acknowledge the fact that the feeling that warms up his belly is also warming up his heart, Blaine already knows he is in love with the kid. He has known that since the moment he has looked at him in the bathroom that first morning after and could feel the need to never leave him again. And he is totally ok with that.

It's not the strong, overwhelming feelings that scare him. Love, lust and longing for a kid twenty years younger than him, he can deal with that. But the thought to be a couple, that scares him to death. For years he won't see past the sex they can't stop having, like they could live off that alone.

Leo works exactly the other way around. The cozy, proud, heartwarming thought of them being able to be together forever in a future with no real beginning nor end is great, but to admit he is indeed in love with this man will always be too hard.

Actually, for the longest week of his life he stubbornly refuses to be in love. He plays the grown up and convinces himself that he cares for nothing but their wet, almost shameful to death encounters in a two hundreds per night hotel room. Then Blaine forces him to tell the truth, he cracks and spits it out. And after days of sex they just make love.

For years after that, Leo won't say I love you, even if Blaine wants to hear those words so badly.
For years, Blaine won't tell him when exactly they will have a life together, even if Leo is dying to know that.
That's why they stick together, in the end. To keep their promises.


Comfort

Leo doesn't know when the thought of Blaine has started to be comforting, but it probably has been since the beginning. After all, the seed of everything they are can be found on that couch in Leo's house. That very first night is the sum of all that they will ever gonna be.

Blaine has listened to him when nobody else did and even if he's always treating him like a grown up – Leo feeling ready to be one or not –, he also knows how to cuddle and reassure him when he needs it the most. So, when his father yells at him that he's like scum and that he can never come back if he leaves the house now, Blaine is the first and only thing that comes to his mind. Their hotel room's the only place he wants to be.

He slams the door of his house close, leaving a hating father behind just to knock in tears at the door of the only man in his life who apparently loves him for real. Blaine's heart just skips a beat at the sound of Leo's trembling voice, calling for him.

“He threw me out, just keep me with you.”

The thought of keeping Leo like a stray cat actually lingers on him for a moment, but as much as he wants to, he just can't. As a fifteen years old kid, Leo is allowed to be unreasonable every now and then, but Blaine must always think straight for both of them. So he welcomes him in his arms and cuddles and coos him, but never promises him what he can't give him.

“Everything's gonna be alright, kiddo. I'm going to fix this.”
And he does, when Leo's parents come. He tries and mend what's broken between Leo and his parents, even though they hate him. Even if Leo would leave it broken just to be with him.

Leo buries his face in the crook of Blaine's neck as the man strokes his hair, trying to calm him down before coming out of the bathroom where the kid's hiding and talk with Kurt and Dave. Leo's parents wait for them in the other room, both knowing that they have to let Blaine take care of Leo if they want him back. As much as they hate the thought, it doesn't matter how badly Blaine turned Leo's world upside down, he's the only one who can put it always back the way it was.


Kisses

Blaine didn't have Leo's first kiss, but he had all the ones that count.

A kiss is the first thing they've ever shared, after plain insults and witty remarks. A kiss is always the last thing Blaine gives him before leaving for weeks. Leo hangs to it and tries to keep the memory of its taste as long as he can, as if it could fill the void while Blaine is away.

In the heat of the moment, as they're making out, there's a special kiss to say to each other that they want more. And a kiss at the end lets Leo know that he is still so very safe, even if Blaine lost control for a while.

A kiss gently shuts Leo up when he talks too much. Another stops Blaine for giving lectures that he shouldn't be giving. A kiss after the other always brings them to the bed, kissing replace talking when it's needed.

Leo is leaving little kisses on Blaine's chest right now, drawing lines with his tongue at the oddest times. He dives in his navel, looking up and Blaine chuckles knowing very well he won't go any lower. “Aren't you tired, already?” He smiles, ruffling his hair as Leo comes back up for a quick kiss.

“Not at all, old man,” he says, curling up against Blaine's side. “I'm a teen, remember? I'm never tired.”

“But you are always too early,” Blaine mocks him and sticks his tongue out, barely licking Leo's lower lip.
Leo pouts just a little, but all it takes is a kiss.


Hope

Everybody says Leo shouldn't live hoping for Blaine to come back, that he shouldn't be living for him, waiting for a call or a visit, or the brief sign of attention in a spare moment. They say their relationship shouldn't be hanging on such a thread of hope on his side, that this means Leo needs Blaine more than Blaine needs him. But Leo doesn't believe that, or he doesn't care as long as Blaine comes back and shows him that he wants him more than anything else.

If he thinks about it, Leo knows he hasn't always been so insecure. There was a time when he was very little – no more than six or seven years old – that nothing scared him and he was so sure of himself, of what he was and what he was gonna be that nobody could convince him otherwise. Then, something broke.

He doesn't know the exact moment when he has started second guessing everything, it was probably a gradual change, but now nothing seems so sure anymore. It has probably something to do with his little sister and the fact that she really is Dave's daughter. Now deep inside, he wonders if adoption is a strong enough bond for him to be considered a real son or if her presence changes the perspective his parents has of him.

Every time they speak about her, every time they take care of her, Leo feels a sting of pain in his stomach that is half jealousy and half a sense of longing, as if they were being more loving to his sister than they have ever been to him. It's not true. A part of him knows that. But the other just keeps repeating that they don't need him anymore now that they have a real child they can call their own.

Especially if he goes against their every will by being with Blaine.

Somehow he just thinks they're gonna give up on him sooner or later because he is not what they want and they have a real daughter anyway. That's why he hopes for Blaine to call or to come and steal him away for one, two, three days or maybe a week.

He hopes Blaine will come back because he trusts him enough to.
Leo is sure Blaine loves him because he made it clear and as much as it pains him to know that there are other men in his man's life, he knows for sure he is still the only kid in Blaine's.


House

The house is a conquest.

It took about a year and a half of hotel rooms to finally be able to hang out with Blaine in a proper house. Leo's was out of the question, of course, because his parents would never allow them to be alone and cuddling under their roof, and even a quiet Sunday lunch of being separated by a whole table and two glaring fathers was impossible, because Dave would growl the whole time accusing Blaine of every possible crime ever conceived by human being and Kurt would stubbornly refuse to acknowledge they are together, speaking to both of them like they weren't more than just acquaintances.

Leo had to ask for months his parents to spend the week end at Blaine's before they finally gave up and agreed, understanding there was no difference between him spending two days in a hotel room or in an uptown loft in Westerville, Ohio because he and Blaine were going to have sex anyway.

They agreed on him staying from Friday afternoon to Sunday afternoon, given that he found the time to do his homework too. Very good grades have always been mandatory for them since the beginning of the relationship, so Leo didn't even get worried. He's kind of used to take A's and B's even if he lets Blaine do the dirtiest things to him. Accepting his fathers' request was no big deal.

Blaine's house is hilarious, though.

Leo can't help but chuckle when Blaine leaves the door open for him and welcomes him inside. The house consists in one very big room, divided in three smaller spaces by a very weird and curvy bookcase, the hugest couch Leo has ever seen and a really fancy-looking wardrobe probably hiding the bedroom. The only proper room with a door is the bathroom. Overall, the house is so perfectly clean and tidy that looks like it's not even been used.

“Do you really live in here or it's just a place where you bring men to have sex with?” He mocks him as he enters and instantly leaves his precious backpack on the floor. It's such a natural action for him that Blaine doesn't even notice it anymore.

“Yes, little Lord, I live here,” Blaine mocks him. “What bothers you of my humble abode?”

Leo looks at him and then at the room again. “Minimalist furniture, all black and white, fake plants and … what's that? I don't even know what that is!” He says, pointing at some huge stone sculpture near the TV. “This house either screams gay or fake apartment for a design magazine. You don't have a single ornament on any surface!”

Blaine smirks. “That's because I like to use them all,” he says. “I'm a practical man. Why don't you go on and pick one?”

Leo shivers at the not so subtle implication of the question. He nods towards the kitchen counter and slowly takes off his jacket as Blaine gets closer. It's gonna be a long week end, Blaine's got a lot of fancy pieces of furniture.


Pleasure

Leo is pretty sure he shouldn't know what real pleasure is at his age. At seventeen you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend and you usually just fool around with them. You might even have sex, but surely you don't know very much except some basics. You haven't had the time to practice enough.

Instead, he has already had way more sex than any other kid his age and Blaine did some stuff to him that he can't even say aloud without turning a very shameful shade of purple.

Blaine never fools around with him as a teen would intend it. He never just makes out and even when he does, he makes Leo feel dizzier than he should feel after being half an hour on a couch, kissing someone. It's like Blaine presses buttons Leo didn't even know were there.

Blaine always starts teasing him way before they even touch. It's the way he speaks to him or looks at him like he is ready to eat him alive and Leo knows there's nothing he can do about it. Leo likes to be preyed on, and Blaine hunts him all the time. He dares him to do naughty stuff, knowing that Leo will be both ashamed and dying to try it.

And he teases him all the time, turning him on without Leo realizing it. So, when they come to the real thing, Leo simply slips in a blissful state, feeling nothing else and knowing nothing else but the man touching him and moving inside of him. Lately, he's not even aware of the little pain anymore, Blaine's hands are skillful enough to distract him.

With one last, strong thrust, Blaine buries himself inside Leo's body, drawing a satisfying moan from his lips. The kid throws his head back, his eyes closed as he lets the man move as much as he wants, chasing his orgasm between his own legs.

For a while, Leo just lies there in Blaine's arms, enjoying the cuddles he always needs and always gets after sex. He almost purrs as Blaine strokes his hair and kisses his temple. “You are beautiful,” Blaine says.

Leo blushes. “Do you say that to all the men you bring in your bed?”

“I don't see any man here,” Blaine smirks.

Leo glares at him. “Watch your mouth, Anderson. I'm still underage and I'm vindictive. I could call the police and report you for repeated child abuse today.”

Blaine is not worried in the slightest. “Oh, you wouldn't do that,” he smiles.

“Give me one reason why not.”

“I give you three,” Blaine keeps smiling. “One, you know that's not true and you usually don't lie like that. Two, you love me and you know very well I love you too. And three, you would have to tell the police what exactly happened between us in details and you couldn't do that for your life because you're too shy. So, as you see, I'm safe.”

Leo grumbles something that might be an offense or not, but then he hides his face in his neck and eventually leaves a tender kiss there. He can afford to be wrong for once, especially when it feels so good.


Kindness

When Cody tells him what William did to him over the years, Leo can't believe it.

He listens carefully as the other guy explains how his ex boyfriend would control his life and never lose the chance to despise him one way or the other. How Cody had to behave. How sex was both a prize and a punishment for when he did or did not do what he was asked.

He wonders how it must feel to have a person you love so much being so mean to you.
He realizes that this is what everyone was afraid of when he started seeing Blaine, that the man wasn't going to treat him right just because he was thirty-five and Leo was only fifteen. But the truth is Blaine's ways have never truly lacked in kindness, even when he mocks him or when he loses control.

Sometimes Blaine is stern with him – even too much to be his boyfriend – and he probably gave Leo habits and routines which are not totally healthy. But he never hurts him, he never purposely acts to make him feel bad. He always asks before doing, always cuddles him after being rough.

What do you do when you need to run from the arms of your boyfriend instead of hide in them?

Leo never knew the pain of being humiliated as Cody did and the dark, scared shadow that still lingers in Cody's eyes as he tells his story now makes Leo shiver in horror too. He hugs Cody and leaves a kiss on his head as they both swing a little back and forth.

He feels the need to hug Blaine too, to be reassured or at least to hear his voice.
He would call him, if Blaine answered but he never did in the past two months, so Leo just stopped calling because...

...because it hurts, yes.

Leo hides his face in Cody's hair and closes his eyes. He will not wonder anymore.
Blaine is not like that, he is not mean.
Blaine's gonna call, eventually. He just has to wait.


Together

“Open your eyes, Leo! He doesn't want to be with you.”

Adam's words sink deep into Leo's heart and find a wound that was already there. It's an open cut that he has tried to cover for years and that doesn't want to heal, no matter how much Leo tells himself that it's not as it looks like. So he just pretends it doesn't exist. But Adam has just said aloud the thought Leo has always refused to acknowledge, and the wound starts bleeding again.

He crosses his arm on his chest, almost protecting it.

“You're being mean for no reason. He wants to be with me. We're gonna be together one day. He only has problems right now,” Leo repeats what Blaine tells him, and tries to believe it this time as Adam looks at him with pity and rage at the same time.

“Yes. He wants to live his life without having to make you part of it. That's his problem!” Adam insists. “It worked fine for him as long as he could come and go when he pleased. Now you ask for more and he just disappears.”

“No, he doesn't!”

“So when was the last time he came visit?” Adam asks. There's the ghost of a mean smile on his lips because he is angry and he knows he's right. “Or better, when was the last time he called you? Wasn't it for New Year's eve.... six months ago?”

Leo has nothing to say to deny that. New Year's eve was indeed the last time he called Blaine and it didn't go straight to his voice mail. They've never talked or been together since then. And he doesn't know why.
Since his son Timmy is born, Blaine doesn't seem to remember he has Leo here in Lima.

Adam finally comes to his senses and seems to notice that he's been too harsh on him. Even if he is right, he doesn't like the sad look in Leo's eyes when he manages to corner him on the subject. “Leo, listen...” he tries to stroke his shoulder, but Leo steps back. So Adam gives up. “I'm just saying you should stick with Cody because you love each other and he is here with you all the time. You don't have to be hurt because of Blaine.”

“I don't love Cody! And I'm not hurt!”

These are two lies in a row. In his mind he goes on and makes it three, but he lacks the courage to say it aloud.


Light

Blaine slams him against the wall and he's all over him the second after. Leo hooks his leg to Blaine's hip and presses his whole body against the man's, letting him know that he doesn't want to wast one minute more. Blaine growls and fumbles with the belt of Leo's pants, almost tearing them down. Then, he takes him away from the wall just to flip him over and slam him against it one more time.

Leo moans as soon as Blaine's fingers slide along his back to dive between his buttocks and start stroking him, circling his opening to prepare him. He pushes his ass up and Blaine chuckles against his skin. “Someone is especially needy today,” he says, biting at his neck.

“Shut up.” Leo's mumbling quickly turns into another moan when one of Blaine's finger slips inside his body.

“Do you know we are in broad daylight?” Blaine mocks him as he moves his finger around, pretending not to know where Leo's special spot is.

Blaine's warm breath on his neck makes Leo shiver. He opens his eyes enough to see the bright light of the sun illuminate the living room. If he turns his head around, he knows he can see Blaine's beautiful face clearly. He blushes a little, but he doesn't ask to move somewhere else.

That was something he would do when he was a kid. Every time Blaine would ask him to have sex with the lights on or in a place where they could clearly see each other, he would get upset and sometimes even mad. He felt like he was even more naked, and that was too embarrassing for him.

The very first time Blaine asked him to keep the lights on, Leo was only fifteen, and everything else between them – their strange relationship, the sex, the fact that they were having it in hotel rooms – was already confusing and embarrassing enough. So, when he said no, Blaine didn't insist. Not that much, at least.

But he never gave up.

Now that he is twenty, Leo still doesn't like to be so exposed but at least he trusts Blaine enough to let him have it his way from time to time. Besides, he was a kid when they started, it's only fair they waited for him to be of age to do things in broad daylight.



Life

Everything happens very fast.

It's not one of those teary and horribly long break up as Leo imagined. He cries, of course, but after that he just goes out of the hotel room and it's over. Just like that. Blaine tries to stop him once, but not strongly enough, and in Blaine's lack of care in keeping him near, Leo reads all he needs to know there isn't anything to hope for anymore. And maybe there never was.

A little part of him hopes Blaine will call him, though.

He goes back home, shows up in tears and scares Adam to death, and his best friend picks up the pieces of what is left of him after the man Leo has loved since he was a kid has basically told him that he doesn't want to have a life with him. Also, Adam takes a step further and tries to fill that void for two weeks before he and Leo realize they aren't meant to be either.

Some time passes, and he pretends to forget because there is nothing else to do when everyone is telling him to get over it and go on with his life. The thought of Blaine is buried deep inside himself, locked away, somehow protected from all the people telling him he should forget.

Leo's college life gets back to normal. And Meredith happens.

When he first meets her, Leo doesn't like her that much because she's not cuddling and she doesn't go easy on him. She laughs about his mood, she calls him boring and one teasing after the other, she slowly takes him out of his funk. Eventually, Leo sees how beautiful and smart Meredith is and falls badly for her, going back to smile.

For two whole years, everything seems forgotten and well again.

That's why Leo is not expecting the warm shivers that run through his spine when he sees Blaine's face on stage. His body reacts as it has done for years to the sound of his voice, and the last two years just disappear. Unconsciously, he leans forward and lets go of his soon-to-be wife sitting next to him.

She's unaware of it yet, but it's already over.


Truth

Leo has been sick for ages, now.

In his attempt to destroy every memory of Blaine he has ever had, he destroyed himself as well. He is unhealthy skinny, raging all the time, lost in a life he doesn't really want anymore but unable to go back to what he was before, because what he was is Blaine's and Blaine doesn't want him. He is desperately asking to be saved by the same man he is so strongly trying to hurt and keep away.

Blaine can't stand to see him like that, knowing that it's his fault if Leo has let himself go, if he is hurting himself so badly. He is trying to fix him, but it looks like that the more he tries to keep him together, the more Leo falls apart.

It's a long journey the one bringing Leo back to normality, or at least what's closer to it.

Leo slowly recovers. He slowly starts to smile again. It still hurts Blaine that Leo doesn't trust him, but he tries to live with that, he tries to bear the fearful glare Leo casts toward him. And as soon as Leo opens up a little, that's when Blaine ruins everything again.

That's when he tells the truth and says he really didn't want to be with him back then, that he was so scared that he preferred to keep him away. And Leo breaks, again.

Truth always hurts but luckily it heals too.

So when he finally comes back home with nothing to break anymore, they both can only glue all the pieces back together and start again.


Peace

As he looks at all they've got now, Leo can't believe how far they've come after all they've been through. Just five years ago he was about to lose himself forever and Blaine was so distant that knowing him felt like another life. They walked in darkness, looking for each other for ages before finally finding one another again.

Now they are married with a kid and two more on the way.

Leo is scared to death by everything, but he doesn't want to run away, this time. This fear comes from love, not from sadness and pain, so he can hang on to it, knowing it will be fine in the end. They still argue, he still gets mad. But Blaine won't leave to never come back.

His therapist says peace will come, but it will take time.
Leo is so happy right now, that he doesn't mind the wait. For once.